


Annie

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Domestic Discipline, Drama, Light BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-25
Updated: 2005-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-05 13:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: Xover with AB/BTVS. And things get interesting.





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Authors Notes: Okay Edward already knows Anita but she hasn't hooked up with Jean-Claude and Richard yet. Conner never locked Angel in a box or turned on him instead he reconciled with him early on and turned his back on Holtz and Justine. I'm a B/A shipper and if you don't like it sorry but it will most likely end with a reunion of those two. Title is named after a song called Annie obviously it's by Our Lady Peace and there's a piece of it at the beginning of the fic. 

 

 

You're a little bit shy 

A little too quiet 

You're the mixed up girl 

That everybody leaves behind 

 

2002

 

Buffy picked her way through the carnage. She tried to feel something...anything but couldn't. She hadn't felt a real emotion in over a year only pain and emptiness. Nothing since she'd been pulled back. She was empty and had hid it so well. They had thought she was fine that she'd gotten over it. You never get over it. How could you when everyday was your own personal hell. It hurt to breathe to exist. Going through each day remembering that paradise had been hers until she was ripped out of it. By well meaning friends. She tried not to blame them. They had been worried but there was no one else to blame. Dawn was the only one who saw it. Saw how desperately she hadn't wanted to be back. How she couldn't feel. Dawn who saw so much and said nothing. She just acted out wanting her old sister back not this emotion devoid version. She made her way home, leaving behind the dead. The hell mouth was closed and there was nothing left for her here. 

 

"Pack we're leaving" she told and anxious Dawn as she walked in the door to find her sister pacing. For once Dawn didn't argue but just nodded. Deep in her heart she already knew what had happened. As she threw things in a bag and her weapons in her chest she wondered where to go. She couldn't go to L.A. Not after what had happened the last times she had tried going to Angel for help. For the first time she felt something other than pain in a long time. She felt longing at the thought of her old lover. She still loved him and always would. She could no longer deny it. She hadn't wanted to date after he left but Willow had kept pushing guys at her and she'd given in and both of them had been total disasters. But the fault had been her own for attempting to lose herself in someone besides Angel. It couldn't be done he was her other half. She stomped down on the feeling of longing and love. She was not going down that route again. She didn't need to be slapped down anymore. She'd tried to go to him for help with Glory when she'd first shown realizing that she was in over her head. Glory was too strong and she'd been right. So she'd gone to L.A. and had been rejected by Cordy. She'd torn her with her words and with her rant on her always bringing trouble. Cordy had always been able to get under her skin and make her feel 2 inches tall. Make her feel like nothing. And she'd been so tired of this life of the pretending. So she's left and she'd died. Death was her gift. Ha some gift soon she'd been back in this damn hell. And she'd tried again only this time she'd needed him to help her heal and because she was worried she'd come back wrong because Spike could hurt her. To help her feel but this time Cordy had had more than scathing comments to throw at her. This time she flung her budding relationship with her ex-lover at her and a part she hadn't known she still carried died. She'd also learned of Connor. So she turned and left and sought out this son who was causing so much pain. And she'd talked him out of his vendetta knowing Angel would not destroy his own child and would instead let himself be destroyed. While he was not hers anymore she couldn't let him die. She still remembered the conversation even though it was months back. 

 

*flashback* 

 

"He is not evil. Trust me I know evil. I'm a vampire slayer I've seen more shades of it that you can imagine" She told the dark-haired boy. 

 

"You would say that! I heard about you from some vamps I slayed. You were his lover at least until he left you" the dark haired 18 year old told her with a sneer. 

 

"I lived it. Let me tell you a story boy and then maybe you'll understand. I had a normal life. A perfect life and then one day this stuffy British guys comes and turns my world upside down. Monsters exist and they are everywhere. And then I meet this guy and I realize not all monsters are evil some of them just want to live their lives. Some want to help others and redeem themselves. And I fell for this guy this monster who wasn't a monster. And I began to realize there is not just black and white but also a whole lot of gray. Life is rarely so clean-cut or so easy. Angel is not evil and he hasn't been for a long time. A clan of gypsies took care of that. And they also put a clause in his soul so I know his evil half well and at this moment he's not around. Its why your father left me and why your even around. So go to him. It hurts him that you hate him. That they've twisted you so. He needs you." She told him wishing she had it in her to cry. 

 

"You love him even after all this time" Connor said amazed, the disbelief that had minutes ago been coming off him in waves turning into belief. 

 

"It hard to get over the love of your life but obviously he has so maybe not as hard as I thought. After all my love was never enough to make him stay" 

She said bitterly and began to walk away. She's done what she'd needed to do. 

 

"Then my fathers a fool" Conner had called after her and shortly after gone to the Hyperion to give him a chance. 

 

*end flashback* 

 

When she'd come back she was enough of a suicidal state to fall into Spikes ready arms. After all he could hurt her and kill her if he wanted to. And she could always pretend he was Angel. And for a few minutes she could feel. The shame and revulsion were welcome to feeling nothing. She was in a cold dark place. A place where there was nothing but the ice in her veins and her heart. No she wouldn't be going to LA. She went down and started packing the car. As they slid in Dawn finally spoke. 

 

"Where are we going?" Dawn asked as they hit the freeway. 

 

"We'll know when we get there" Buffy said and after that there was just silence and the car radio. 

 

A little bit weird 

A little too bright 

But you just might be 

That little bomb at their side 

They'll pull your hair 

They'll leave you wide-eyed 

But did anybody wonder 

What Annie might have in mind 

Oh, no 

 

~*~*~ 

 

They wound up in Texas a few days later. she quickly got them a run down apartment and a job at a diner. She'd gotten them some flimsy fake identities but they seemed to work. Buffy was dead she was Anne once again. 

 

Dawn was adapting in true teenage fashion to her new high school. The 14 year old was very flexible. She would always decide that it was a quirk of fate. Life always did throw her the curveballs. Here she was trying to start over again and struggling home after a hard day at work with the lousy pay and tips and she walked right into this mess. She watched wide eyed as a blonde haired man took out two of the group with a gun while another four tried to sneak up on him. He was out numbered but winning. He was also armed to the teeth. Two guys spotted her. 

 

"A witness kill her! We'll deal with him" a man barked out. 

 

She hurriedly backed away and tripped saving her life as a bullet flew over her. She reached down and realized she'd tripped on a knife. As the first guy rushed her only reflex had her shoving the knife out. As her now dead attacker slid to the ground and the other one came at her it was self-preservation that got her to kill him. She dropped the knife immediately after and stared at her blood soaked hands. She felt nothing. No quilt or horror. She'd done what had needed to be done. She looked through empty eyes at the blond man as he approached and picked up the knife. Dimly she realized he'd killed the other guys. 

 

"I'm Edward are you okay?" he asked with a slight drawl. She looked into his cold blue eyes and realized he planned to kill her. For what she'd seen. Not if she didn't let him. She used her best acting. Hell she'd fooled her friends why not a stranger. Even a trained killer should buy this. She burst into tears. 

 

"Its not my fault. Its not my fault" she babbled. 

 

"Of course not darling" he drawled out putting on a good ol' boy act. 

 

He drew her close as if to comfort but she sensed the knife at her back. And knew he literally planned to stab her in the back. Before he could she knocked him out. 

 

"Why do guys always fall for the little ol' me act" she huffed and left him there. She didn't need anymore kills. She didn't want to be Faith. Later she

would come to regret letting him live. 

 

~*~*~ 

 

Edward found her a few days later. He'd first planned to kill her but then he'd changed his mind. She was obviously on the run from something. Her identity was also a fake. And she was a natural. He saw potential and now wondered what he could do to harness it. As the plan formed he straightened out a few details and then went looking for her. He knew the instant she realized he was there. She stiffened up and glared at him as she calmly took an order. He also knew she was weighting her options. To flee or fight. Oh yeah the girl had the instincts for this job. 

 

Anne knew the moment he walked in. He was dangerous and all her senses were going haywire urging her to either flee or eliminate the danger. Then he went and sat in her section and she knew he wasn't here to kill her....yet. At least not with so many witnesses. She went to his table. 

 

"What do you want" Anne hissed at him. 

 

"You really should cover your tracks better *ANNE*" Edward said his tone and the way he said her name letting her know he knew it was fake. 

 

"Just leave me alone I want nothing to do with you. I'm not going to tell anyone what I saw. Not like I can without be thrown in a cage with you" Anne told him almost pleadingly. she didn't need this. She was trying to start over. 

 

"Its too late for that now Annie you should of thought of that before" Edward said and then left. 

 

She pondered what he'd meant and why he'd been looking at her like that. As if her was assessing her. Trying to see inside her. She shiver and wondered what was going on. 

 

~*~*~ 

 

She got home that night and was greeted by whirlwind Dawn on her way out. She'd been doing that alot. Hanging out with those new friends of hers getting into regular teenage trouble and she was grateful. She could handle Dawn doing teenage stuff and not supernatural stuff. 

 

"Bout time you got here. your guest has been waiting for sometime and I didn't want to have to leave him waiting outside alone cause I was leaving. I'm late as it is." Dawn said.

 

"Guest?" Anne echoed blankly 

 

"Yeah your guest. Said his names Ted Forrester. I had him show me id and everything. He's a hottie I want deets later cause you've obviously been holding out" Dawn babbled and then she was gone. 

 

She walked into the house dread in her stomach. She had a feeling she knew exactly who TED was. and sure enough she found Edward lounging on her ratty couch his gun out. 

 

"I was just going to kill you as I'm sure you know and the lump my head confirms but then I changed my mind" Edward drawled out. 

 

"Lucky me! So what changed your sociopathic mind?" Anne said sarcastically. 

 

"You've got potential kid and I can use that potential .you also remind me of someone. Even more now with your smart mouth" Edward said.

 

"Are you saying what I think your saying cause if so no. I'm not a killer" Anne told him. 

 

"Everyone's a killer Anne given the right circumstances and those who aren't are cannon fodder. You strike me as a given the right circumstances girl especially after last week" Edward told her. 

 

"I don't kill humans" Anne told him coldly. 

 

"Ah now that's telling" Edward said and his eyes homed in on her neck "But I take it you have not problem killing monsters if that mark on your neck is any indication" 

 

Anne's hand flew to her neck "Angry puppy" she muttered. 

 

Edward laughed "I'll bet! then its a good thing that I mainly only kill monsters now. Humans are to easy. I rarely kill humans now unless they get in my way or try to kill me. I'm not cheap and when I'm done with you neither will you. You wouldn't have to work in a diner and you could have a way better place than this" he told her a derisive eye flickering over her meager possessions. 

 

She thought of the piling bills and how she'd considered getting another job. If he was telling the truth they could live way better. She might even afford sending Dawn to college and give the opportunities in life she'd missed out. and its not like it'd be a big sacrifice she killed monsters for free before. It was about damn time she received some pay for it. She eyed him coolly contemplating. But she could never let him see or know what she really was or how strong she was. How much like vamps she was power wise. He'd kill her in a instant and she knew it. Especially now that was gaining more and more power of the previous slayers before her. She guessed it was an age thing. 

 

"The pay is very good a few jobs and your set for the rest of the year. The jobs are flexible so you can pick and choose what to take." Edward sensed her weakening. 

 

The only catch you become a murderer she thought dryly. 

 

"Okay I'm in but I have conditions. I only do monsters and I only do bad ones." Anne told him sealing her fate. 

 

"Good lets get stated on training but first here some stuff you'll need" Edward said handing her an envelope. 

 

Curious she took it and took out the papers as she read over the documents her eyes almost popped out. 

 

"Anne Forrester what the hell????" she yelled. 

 

"You need a new identity your last one was very obviously fake this one is better and real. You are now Anne Forrester and Dawn is now Dawn Marie Forrester. As far as the world is concerned the two of you are my baby sisters." Edward told her. 

 

"But your name isn't really Ted either." Anne told him.

 

"But the world believes it is and that's what matters. Since you didn't get any farther I'll tell you the rest. Your also a bounty hunter and vampire executioner. Your license for the bounty hunter is in all states but the executioner one is just for Texas, New Mexico and Missouri. So do you have any fighting training? Own any weapons?" Edward asked. 

 

"Umm yeah" Anne said still processing that he was rearranging her life. She took him to her training room which had her weapons displayed and also showed him the chest filled with smaller ones and watched as he inspected the weapons. 

 

"Okay after we assess your fighting skills we're bringing you up to date on the weapons. Some are good like the axes and knives. But the crossbow and staffs? Planning on fighting Friar Tuck? And the stakes hardly anyone uses those anymore." Edward told her. 

 

Lord what had she gotten into? 

 

There's something in the way she explains to me 

 

 

"Please be careful, I exist in someone else's head" 

 

Oh, no 

 

There's something in the way that she makes believe 

 

Please be careful.

 

Annie dreams that everyone is dead


	2. part 2

The faster we're falling, 

We're stopping and stalling 

We're running in circles again 

Just as things we're looking up 

You said it wasn't good enough 

 

2005 

 

Anne returned to her house. It was dark out and the house was quiet. Too quiet and still. As if no one lived in it. Lonely. The story of her life. She sighed and started putting up her weapons. 

 

Dawn had graduated early and then announced that she was going to UCLA. Anne hadn't been to California since they'd left. She knew everyone thought they were dead along with everyone else. She had never planned to go back. 

 

Especially to L.A. 

 

It was his city and he'd know the minute she stepped foot on it. He'd feel through the connection of theirs. The one that had never really faded. And then Dawn had dropped her bomb and she'd had no choice but to agree. It was what Dawn wanted. She wanted to go back home and Anne had understood. She hadn't liked it but she understood. 

 

So she'd helped her pack and paid the tuition. She'd called up Ted and told him what was going on and asked him to take Dawn to L.A. so she wouldn't have to go alone. She hadn't explained why she wasn't taking her and he hadn't asked. She also asked him to help Dawn find an apartment. She'd made a list from the ones she'd found online. He'd promised to take care of it. 

 

Dawn had understood that she never intended to go back. So she'd be the on flying for holidays and breaks unless things came up. Anne knew Dawn had ideas of becoming an executioner and possibly doing some not so legal slaying of the bad monsters. She didn't object hell it was in the blood and Dawn would do what she wanted no matter what. Summers women were stubborn. But they weren't Summers anymore sometimes she forgot that. 

 

She'd taught Dawn everything she knew. And she knew Ted had sneaked in some other stuff into the girl when she wasn't around. She was safe and could protect herself. It didn't hurt that she had gained some of Anne's strength with her blood. But that didn't mean she didn't worry or miss her sister. Or that she wasn't lonely. 

 

After years of always having someone there she really was alone now. No one to nag or protect. Just herself. Whistler was right all those years ago. In the end all she really had was herself. She'd left Texas a few months later and moved to New Mexico. Closer to Dawn but far enough away from Angel to not get caught. It had actually been Ted's idea which had put her on alert immediately. 

 

Edward never did anything with out a reason. But the reason had yet to present itself and she'd let it go for the meantime. He'd introduced her to his fiancé and her kids. Lord she'd almost killed him for that one. How could he drag that innocent family into his life? But hey it was their funeral and she wasn't going to make it her business. She had a healthy amount of fear for Edward. 

 

You had to respect someone who'd kill to protect you and then shoot you in the back with a smile if it suited him. She'd also really hate to kill the only friend she had. Besides Donna and the kids seemed to be softening his edges. 

 

She was starting to refer in her head to him as Tedward, mainly for the fact that he was merging into a weird mix of his good ol' boy act and his chilly Edward side. She really did think before he was converted to a sociopath he'd really had been a good ol' boy. Maybe it was instinct to revert to that persona. Not that she'd ever mentioned it. 

 

She pushed the play button on her machine and started discarding clothes on her way to the kitchen. She'd gotten comfortable being nude after getting attacked in the shower once. She'd had to ignore the lack of clothes and focus on surviving. No time for modesty in her line of work. Lord but she was tired of it all. She was seriously considering a job change or at least a break. 

 

She'd miss killing so maybe she just needed a break. Then she froze as the message she'd just heard sunk in breaking her out of her thoughts. Anne went back to the connected living room. She rewound and listened to it over. 

 

"Hey Annie I guess your still out of town. Just wanted you to know Ted's in the hospital. But he'll probably be out by the time you get back. Call me and I'll let you know" Donna's voice let her know. 

 

Anne sighed. That scatterbrain if she'd been any normal person that message would have left her in hysterics of worry. Nobody left messages like that unless you wanted the person to freak out. But Anne never worried about Edward. How do you worry for a trained killer? You couldn't you worried about them coming after you not if they would get hurt. Besides Donna would have been in hysterics if it was serious. 

 

She really didn't deal with violence well. Another reason she didn't approve of Edwards choice of partner for his game of happy family. They woman just couldn't deal with the dark side of life. Hell she didn't even have any self reservation. Her family is attacked and she sits there staring in horror and leaves it to her 8-year old son to kill the werewolf. She had no respect for her. She might as well just hang a sign over her head that read cannon fodder. It's what the ditz was. 

 

She considered ignoring the message but knew Donna knew she was coming back today and that's why she'd left the message. She quickly changed and grabbed her keys. Might as well go play worried sister for the public it beat being home alone. 

 

But still we're trying 

One more time 

Maybe we're just 

Trying too hard 

When really it's closer 

Than it is too far 

 

Anne hated hospitals with a passion. She avoided them as much as possible. Too many bad memories in them. She avoided them like the plaque and had to be practically dying to go in them or Edward had to be practically dying. She rarely got injured that badly. She had supernatural healing and strength on her side. Edward was just human so he got hurt more. 

 

*Flashback* 

 

"Jeez he stuck you good didn't he?" Anne said in amused sympathy wrapping Edward's side. 

 

"It'd be okay if I wasn't seeing double" Edward drawled out. He did look a bit dazed. 

 

"Well being smashed into a wall twice didn't help your head any. This needs stitches. You want me to do it or are we doing a hospital trip? You know how the ER just loves you." Anne drawled back lightly. She'd mastered the accent to make their sibling story more believable. 

 

"Hospital you can't stitch straight and you're never getting near me with a needle and thread again." Edward told her snidely. 

 

"Ya don't say? Well there goes my career as a seamstress" Anne drawled back not at all insulted. 

 

"How is it you never get any major wounds. Devil's luck you always come out with nothing but scratched and cuts. Maybe a few bruises but nothing else." Edward snapped annoyed. 

 

"Just the luck of the draw, sugar. They take a look at little ol' me and dismiss me assuming you're the bigger threat. Works to my advantage cuz while they beat on you I'm free to dispatch the others and they never see it coming." Anne told him laughing. 

 

"If only they knew." Edward said dryly and then headed into the hospital leaving Anne to wait in the car knowing she wouldn't be coming in. 

 

*end flashback* 

 

Anne walked to the nurse's station. 

 

"Ted Forrester? Which room is he in?" Anne asked putting the right amount of worry and fear in her voice and eyes. But before she could respond she saw Donna down the hall and made her way over. 

 

"Annie" Becca cried excitedly and jumped into her arms. 

 

"Where's Ted is he okay? That message told me nothing. Oh God is it serious?" Anne babbled in her fake worry. 

 

"He's fine. I'm sorry Anne I wasn't thinking of how the message would sound." Donna said apologizing. 

 

"It's this way" Peter said quietly and not in his usual sullen way. 

 

Anne looked him over sharply mind already wondering what had happened. Looking at him gave her a moment of pause and she narrowed her eyes. Peter's eyes looked hollow and empty. HE also obviously not sleeping she knew the signs all to well. He looked like another piece of him had broken. His eyes to old for him. Something had happened to him. 

 

"Are you okay?" Anne asked realizing she'd missed something big. Peter was a step closer today to being like her and Ted than he'd been before. As she saw his eye's narrow on her and become suspicious she let it go. 

 

"Never mind lets go see that brother of mine. He has some explaining to do" Anne told them and she could almost feel regret for the childhood he'd never had and would now really never get a chance at. Almost but not quite. She hadn't felt anything in so long. She'd never quite left that cold dark place she'd found herself trapped in all those years ago. 

 

Donna led her to the room then left. She knew they wanted to talk and she said she had some serious shopping to do not to mention planning. Anne had wondered about the last. Planning what? But she let it go so that she'd leave and she could know what had taken place. 

 

"You just missed Anita by like a day" Edward told her as soon as Donna was gone. 

 

"You mean I missed getting to meet the famous Anita Blake I've heard so much about? Say it isn't so I'm devastated!" Anne drawled out dramatically. 

 

Edwards's lips twitched but he said nothing more. 

 

"Well?? What did I miss? And what happened to Peter? He looks well to be blunt he looks like he's becoming us" Anne told him suddenly all business. Edward sighed and told her what had gone on while she was gone. When he was done Anne sighed. 

 

"I always miss all the fun" Anne said lightly while digesting this new info. She'd felt the presence the day she'd arrived but hadn't sought it out. 

 

She'd let it be and it had led to this. She could have stopped this before it started but had chosen to ignore the power she'd felt. She wondered if it would haunt her that it was her fault this had happened. That Peter was now broken beyond repair. 

 

"I've got family therapy scheduled with Donna and the kids next week" Edward said out of nowhere. 

 

Anne blinked at him "uh what?" she asked bemused. 

 

"I'm going to be going to therapy with the kids and Donna. And we've set a date for the wedding. We're getting married in the beginning of June that's the planning and she shopping she left to do. Donna wants you to be her Maid of Honor and Dawn to be a bridesmaid. I'm going to ask Anita to be my best man" Edward told her and she could tell from the way he was eyeing her he was wondering if she was going to attack or freak. 

 

Anne was speechless. She had never though he'd actually go through with it. But Donna had come through when it had mattered. She'd been able to cope with what had been done. Maybe she did have an idea of what she was getting into. Anne's opinion raised a bit not much but it was higher than it had been the day before. Nothing could change the fact that Donna would always be cannon fodder. 

 

"A girl for your best man why do I get the feeling Donna didn't like that much." Anne said lightly and Edward relaxed. She wasn't going to do anything about it.

 

"Well I was pretty adamant about it." Edward drawled all good ol' boy charm now. 

 

"I'll bet" Anne drawled back dryly. "With you and your soul mate theory I'm not too surprised. And I've got the perfect outfit design for the role. It's a tuxedo dress my friend was going to wear years back but she never got to so it's also never been put into use" 

 

Edward decided to not dig farther knowing from experience she'd clam up. Some days he seriously considered breaking the pact they'd made and digging into her past to find out what her deal was. But they'd agreed in their first days together to let their pasts be. She wouldn't question his and he'd leave hers alone. But sometimes it really burned him to not know what made her tick. What had gone on with her? 

 

Anne decided to let the wedding thing go. After all Peter needed Edward now. She doubted he'd talk to a shrink and while Edward wasn't the best at fixing broken people he'd help him cope and survive. Peter was more like Edwards kid than Donna's. She knew Edward was proud of the boy and what he could become. What Anne now knew he would become. 

 

Edward would kill and die for them and this was probably the closest Edward would ever come to love. he'd killed that part of himself a long time ago same as she had with her emotions. Besides they trusted him and for that she pitied them. They'd never learned the hard lesson of not being able to trust anyone but yourself. 

 

Edward was in too deep now and so was she. They couldn't escape this life. All they could do was hold on and try not to slip. Edward had found himself a new step. They were his connection to what could have been. To the world and life that would have been his if he hadn't killed a part of himself so long ago. 

 

A glimpse through the door he'd closed off. She wished him well. And decided it was time for her to do the same for herself. She didn't want to slip and fall into the deep end. And she'd been walking the line for so long now she'd lost her sense of humanity. She wanted it back but had gone in too deep so she moved forward and tried to find her step to hold onto. 

 

"I've decided to move again" Anne dropped her bomb. 

 

'Cause I'm in too deep 

And I'm trying to keep, 

Up above in my head 

Instead of going under 

 

Anita had been true to her word. She'd come back home and had taken a break from police work. She was too close to breaking point and burning out. She'd also started getting back into the pack issues and the vamps. 

 

She hadn't meant to leave them high and dry. She'd seen the things that had gone wrong and set about trying to fix it. She'd admonished her leopards for not letting her know how things had been going. Luckily it wasn't anything beyond repair. She was still working on it. She'd also eased into seeing Jean-Claude and Richard. 

 

She was coming back with Richard to her house after their first actual date since she'd come back in April. She was easing back in slowly trying not to hastily jump into anything. They'd watch a movie and snuggle. Nothing more. Even if she was dying for more. Even if she'd like nothing better to jump him and tear his clothes off with her teeth. Jeez go eight months without sex and become a walking hormone. She really had changed. 

 

They were just settling down into a good cuddle when the phone rang. She considered letting it go and having the machine get it. She'd just been getting to really enjoy Richard's arms around her. But she sighed and got up to get it. It might be Dolph. It could be important. And she'd just gotten back to working with them. Since she'd taken her break back in April. 

 

"Hello?" Anita asked as nicely as she could. Which wasn't very much. 

 

"Anita?" The voice asked hesitantly. 

 

Anita recognized it immediately and got worried. 

 

"Donna? Did something happen to Peter or Ted? What wrong?" Anita asked alarmed. Donna never called her. 

 

"Oh no it's nothing like that. I'm just calling to invite you to the wedding" Donna told her happily. 

 

"Wedding" Anita echoed bemused. 

 

"Yes its this weekend. On Saturday actually. We need you to get her on Thursday though-" 

 

Anita cut her off "Ted's actually going through with it?" she asked incredulous. 

 

"Well of course he is why wouldn't he?" Donna asked irritated and with some suspicion. 

 

Anita had forgotten Donna's jealous suspicions. 

 

"Oh no reason just surprised and amazed you helped him overcome his commitment issues" Anita said blandly and snickered silently. 

 

Edward and commitment issues. He was actually putting on the old ball and chain. She stifled a laugh at that particular mental picture and returned her attention to Donnas babbling. 

 

"WHAT?" Anita yelled catching the last of it. 

 

"Ted wants you to be his best man. I know its unorthodox but he insisted. And there was no talking him into just letting you be a bridesmaid. That's why you have to get here Thursday. So we can do the final fitting and change what needs to be changed. 

 

The dress rehearsal is Friday and the actual wedding is Saturday. I know its last minute but he insisted it be this way." Donna said and again she heard a tiny bit of irritation but it was mixed with affection this time. 

 

"He wants me to be the best man? Spiffy! It is short notice but I can fit it in" Anita said surprised and touched in and odd way. And then she caught sight of Richard and his curious expression. "Can I bring a date?" 

 

"Sure that'd be fine" Donna said and the relief was very apparent in her voice. 

 

Anita was amused and let Donna chatter on for a bit and then they said they're good byes. She'd never known Edward to get so out of depth. But he'd just gone and jumped into the deep side this time. She turned to Richard who she knew was avidly waiting to know what was going on. 

 

"So feel like going to a wedding this weekend?" Anita asked 

 

'Cause I'm in too deep 

And I'm trying to keep, 

Up above in my head 

Instead of going under 

Instead of going under


	3. part 3

Am I drowning you out 

in boasts of defection 

if everything was up to me 

I would be gone by the first sign 

the first sign of hope 

 

I'd be packed up and out of my way. 

 

Anita stepped off her plane expecting Edward. Okay maybe not Edward. She was pretty sure he was thinking she wanted him dead right now. You do not tell someone at the last minute that they are your best man. Course she knew he had waited until the last minutes so she couldn't say no or make any objections. So she was expecting Donna. 

 

She spotted neither of them as she got off the plane. She sighed and made her way to claim her luggage. She had a feeling Donna was running late. Anita saw a blond her height but not as curvy making her way to her. Something about her was sending her signals off. Danger Will Robinson!! Anita eyed the blond warily. What was setting her off? She looked harmless and as far as Anita could see she wasn't armed. But strangely she was reminded of Edward. She tensed as the blond reached her. 

 

"Anita Blake?" The blonde woman asked hesitantly. 

 

"Yes?" Anita responded unsure what was going on. 

 

"Oh thank God! They only gave me a description. Which didn't help at all? Jeez they couldn't even show me a photo or anything. I'm Anne by the way. Donna had last minute things to do so she sent me to get you. I'm to take you to the seamstress who will fit you and make the adjustments. Donna will most likely meet us there or come a few minutes after we get there" Anne babbled as she took Anita's arm and lead her towards the car. 

 

Anita let herself be pulled along bemused. She had been worried over this bubble brain? She was a friend of Donna's and from the way she was chattering on mostly likely one of her ditzy friends. So what had set her instincts off? 

 

Her instincts did not go haywire for no reason. They were what had kept her alive so long. Well that and fear. She vowed to stay alert just in case and made sure her gun was easy to reach. But as the drive went on she relaxed. Anne was talking about the wedding and all that had been done. And how she'd been very involved in it all being the maid of honor. 

 

Anita was bored to tears by the time they got to the seamstress. She was actually relieved to see Donna waiting for them out side the shop. And Anne was still chattering away. 

 

"Well you two are getting along well. Ted's going to be so pleased" Donna said beaming. 

 

Getting along? How dense was she? And why would Edward care if she liked Donna's ditzy friends? Anita wondered to herself and then froze as she heard Donna's next remark. 

 

"He was afraid you and his sister wouldn't get along. Something about you two being so alike and yet different enough to clash" Donna added carelessly. 

 

SISTER?!!! But his identity as Ted Forrester was a fake. And she was reasonably sure he had no family. 

 

"Ted's sister?" Anita asked eyes narrowed on Anne. 

 

"Oh I'm such a bubble brain! I completely forgot to tell you my full name. It's Anne Forrester. Things just slip my mind and I forgot that you wouldn't know my relation to Ted" Anne said her eyes twinkling knowing she'd forgotten no such thing. 

 

Anita watched her warily. Now that she knew she saw the crack in the facade. Her eyes gave it away. They had the same cold look in Edwards and yet also held a bit more life in them. But they were still the same look that she got when she killed. The same look that was always in Edwards. She was just better than both of them at disguising it. She could see under the act now. Anne was a killer. Like her and like Edward. Most likely she did it for money though like Edward did. Now the question was who was more dangerous of the two? Anne had tested her to see if she'd see under the act and she had in the beginning but she'd let herself be lulled into a false security. She knew better than that. She also knew just because your small and feminine you don't underestimate. Big surprises often come in small packages. 

 

"I don't know why he's so worried. The two of you should have lots in common. You're in the same line of business as I'm sure Annie mentioned. You're both vamp executioners. Except Annie licenses are in Texas, New Mexico, and Missouri. Hmm I guess you two do share a state after all." Donna said as they waited for the seamstress. 

 

"No she didn't mention it" Anita murmured eyeing Anne. 

 

Anne just smiled at her "You'll also meet our other sister Dawn she's flying in from L.A. She just started at UCLA. We're very proud of her" Anne told her all sisterly pride. On the inside she was pleased her act had passed the ultimate test. 

 

Anita could feel Anne assessing her and was doing the same. She was a female Edward but not. She wondered if she was going to end up having a showdown with Anne before leaving New Mexico. And if she did she felt sure she wouldn't be the one walking away. Great she'd just gotten over her worry that Edward would be the death of her and now she had a bigger fear. 

 

But as Anne started to chatter again Anita realized Anne wasn't a threat. At least not at the moment. It had been a test. A test of what she didn't know but Anne seemed pleased with the results. Anne smiled at her again and Anita hoped she'd stay happy with her. She really didn't need anymore enemies. Anne gave her excuses. She had to go get Dawn from the airport. She'd liked Anita. She'd also loved yanking her chain with the ditz act. She cool tell how close Anita had been to just blowing her away in the car to get her to shut up. It'd been the most fun she'd had in years. 

 

"Well have to swap stories about our adventures with Ted later." Anne told Anita as she collected her things to leave. 

 

"Yes we'll have lots to talk about later" Anita said blandly but her eyes were sharp. 

 

Anne knew she wasn't too happy about being tricked and couldn't help but get in one more little sucker punch. 

 

"And it'll be great to have a friend in St. Louis when I move there next month" Anne said cheerfully and left while both Donna and Anita were still gaping at her in shock and for Anita dismay. 

 

************* 

 

And time has been spread so thin 

and it's just hours till the day begins. 

And the things that are keeping you here 

are not keeping me here 

and the things that are keeping you here 

will keep me away. 

 

Dawn came off of the plane and Anne instantly knew she was different. Dawn hugged her and asked how things were. she told her the latest jobs and about how Peter was doing. Anne knew that Dawn was attached to the kids and how it'd hurt her to learn what had happened. 

 

Dawn was vague on the way home about she had been doing in L.A. She told her that school was going well and all about her classes and her professors but nothing personal. It just made it obvious that something was being kept from her. 

 

Dawn was working up the courage to tell her sister. she didn't want to hurt her anymore than she already was. Anne thought she was beyond hurting but Dawn knew different. Buried deep inside was the heart she'd locked away. And she knew Anne had suppressed it all so she could cope. But she'd never coped with it. She'd just stayed frozen in the dark. 

 

Dawn stopped short as she saw the boxes in the living room. Most of the furnishings were packed away. 

 

"Are you moving?" Dawn asked surprised. She'd thought Annie was happy in New Mexico. 

 

"Yup in a few weeks. There's nothing holding me here or keeping me here. Edwards here to stay because of Donna and the kids. You're in L.A. living your dream. So I've decided to move and take a break. Find something that's just me. Cut a bit loose and have some fun." Anne told her setting down Dawns bags. 

 

"Oh" Dawn said and then began to look uncomfortable. 

 

"Just spit it out Dawnie" Anne said frustrated. 

 

"I just don't know how to tell you. I met a guy. This gorgeous amazing guy. He saved me actually. I got in over my head in this fight and he charged in and evened the odds. I love him" Dawn said starting off shaky but her voice got stronger as she went. 

 

"You're not pregnant or anything like that?" Anne asked alarmed. 

 

"Jeez no!!" Dawn shouted 

 

"So then what the big deal?" Anne asked relieved. 

 

"The guy I'm in love with is Connor. Angel's son" Dawn said quietly. 

 

Anne paled. She gave a small nod to her sister and left the house. And she'd thought life could get any worse. She'd been wrong. 

 

Dawn watched her go unsure of what else to say. She wouldn't apologize for loving him and she knew that wasn't what had hurt her sister. What had hurt her was the sudden lash of memories. Of her love and her broken heart. 

 

************* 

 

Are you drowning your fears 

in a glass of deception? 

When everything is hazy 

then everything will be ok. 

When everything is hazy 

then you won't be sad that you stayed. 

 

Anne was trying to get drunk. It wasn't working. She had too high an endurance. Damn powers grew too strong. She couldn't even drown her sorrows anymore. The PTB's hated her. She knew for sure now. 

 

They liked nothing better than playing a game of Lets fuck with Anne's life. Let's see what new torture we can design for her. She hated this. she locked it all away for a reason. But here it was back to bitch slap her across the face. 

 

What she needed was a fight or someone to mope with. She noticed a guy some in and sit a few stools down from her. He looked a bit uncomfortable. As if he was waiting for someone. She assessed him from the corner of her eye. He was about 6'1" had a nice firm jaw and high cheekbones. He also had the nicest long wavy brown hair she'd ever seen on a man. she could also sense from where she was what he was. 

 

The man was a wolf. He was pretty powerful. She wondered if she should take him. More than likely but she didn't want any scratches. She had no desire to join the furry. Normally she didn't go around picking fights with random strangers. And she knew most shifters just wanted to live there lives in peace and quiet. She personally had nothing against them. But she needed a fight. Something to take out this excess energy on. She was just about to go make her way over when she noticed Anita come in. She also headed directly for him. They embraced and she realized he was the wolf Anita was dating. Edward had mentioned him. 

 

What had his name been again? She couldn't quite remember. Damn! Well there went her fight. She wanted to get on Anita's good side and not have to kill her. She couldn't hurt her puppy and then make nice with the necromancer. Plus from what Edward had told her Anita was a bit trigger happy. She downed a few more drinks. A bit tipsy now the name came to her. It was Richard. Her little devil also came to play. She couldn't fight but she could mess with their minds. 

 

She made her way over to them. Glad to have the distraction she needed. She needed this to keep those messy emotions and memories sealed up. 

 

"Hello Anita" Anne said brightly eyes cold "And you must be Richard. I've heard lots about you" her tone didn't reassure either of them of her intentions. 

 

And you'll be sorry 

isn't that what they'll say. 

Don't follow your heart 

cause it just seems to get in your way


	4. part 4

Tell me why no one's listenin' 

Is there nothing at all left to say 

In a world so unforgiving 

You mean more to me each every day 

So may the living be dead in our wake 

 

Anita could sense something was off. This Anne was different from how she was earlier. She shifted so that it would be easier to reach her gun. She didn't think Anne would start something in public but you never could be completely sure of anything. Anita wasn't sure just how psychotic Edward's protégé was or if she was a sociopath. 

 

She wasn't going to waste the time analyzing her not when she was eyeing them as if trying to find a way to make them tick. This lady was giving off waves of danger. She wanted a fight. She could feel it. 

 

"And what tales has Edward been telling?" Anita asked blandly eyes watchful. 

 

Before Anita had asked that question Richard had assumed the woman was a friend. He'd sensed the turmoil of emotions in her. They were strong pain, loneliness, and despair and then just as suddenly they had been shut off. Like the flip of a switch and then she'd made her way over. 

 

Now there was a look in her eyes that signified she wanted to start a fight. And she was a friend of Edwards. That was never good. He didn't really like the assassin. He couldn't understand how he could kill and not care. How he could kill and enjoy it. The people he killed meant nothing to him. And now he was begging to see that this woman who'd come up to them was the same. 

 

"Not much just that you were in a love triangle with the puppy here and a master vampire. The master vamp of St. Louis to be exact. Edward seemed disappointed his prized student was getting naked with the monsters." Anne said mockingly. 

 

Richard's eyes had chilled at the puppy comment. He knew she was lashing out and he wondered why. 

 

"And you what do you think?" Richard asked 

 

"I found it one of life's greatest ironies. A vamp executioner in love with a werewolf and a vampire. Those she kills on a regular basis. Rather poetic don't you think?" Anne said and laughed but for a moment something flashed in her eyes. It looked like pain but it was gone to quickly to identify. What was that about Anita wondered? She had seen enough. 

 

"Are you looking for a fight?" Anita asked softly. 

 

Anne stiffened and then relaxed and gave another laugh. 

 

"Well it was either that or drink until I pass out. The alcohol wasn't working so I decided what was needed was a fight. I was actually planning to use your boy here but I changed my mind. Somehow I don't think you'd like it much if I broke him" Anne said coolly eyeing Richard with obvious regret of not being able to hurt him. 

 

Anita stiffened at that and her hand itched to go to her gun but she forced the feeling back. 

 

"Oh well I guess the drinking is back on" Anne muttered and waved the bartender over for another drink. Still in a violent mood though she wasn't really fit company. 

 

Anne smiled and asked casually "So Anita have you ever done Edward?" her grin grew as Anita choked on her drink. 

 

Richard being male and also a wolf turned interested eyes to Anita. They really were possessive and seemed to have more testosterone than regular males. 

 

Anita shot Richard an irritated look. For God's sake he was acting as if he didn't know the answer. In her life she'd only slept with three men. Her fiancé in college, Jean-Claude, and Richard. The man knew that and still he perks up to here the answer to the question. Men! 

 

"No have you" Anita shot back with false sweetness. 

 

"Nope he's not my type besides he's suppose to be my brother. Brothers and sisters don't get naked together unless they're into incest which I am so not into. Can you say Ew!" Anne said making a face. 

 

"And what is your type" Anita asked curious. She would have thought Anne would go for the all American good ol' boy looks. 

 

Anne got a wicked look on her face and smiled. "The tall dark and handsome kind" she purred out giving Richard a very blatant come hither look. Anita saw red. And would have struck out except Richard grabbed her arm and held her in place. 

 

"Don't like to share I take it. Pity." Anne said eyed dancing. 

 

"I smell no desire from you. Stop baiting Anita" Richard said evenly. 

 

Anne laughed. "Sorry I couldn't resist. I'll be good now. Promise." She said and gave them her most innocent smile. 

 

The smile didn't reach her eyes but it was still a big change in her. She seemed a bit calmer and very innocent and young. She must be very good at her job. She could almost fool them if they didn't know her. 

 

"So how did you meet Edward" Anita asked getting a feeling the blond hadn't always been this way. 

 

She also had a sinking suspicion that this wasn't the life the other woman would have picked out. The smile hinted at another life as did the way she spoke. Anita was sure that you kept the basis of your old personality and that the sunshine act had once been real well part of it anyway. 

 

Anne eyed the pair. She wondered what they would do if she told them the whole truth? How they would react? Would they think she had completely lost her mind? Or would they believe her and for the first time in years would she have real friends? Like Willow and Xander had been before.... 

 

She let that thought go. She didn't need real friends. She'd given up on that long before. No one really cared or listened to other people. They were all wrapped up in their pain they didn't notice anyone else's. It was life but for a moment she'd been tempted to tell. But she wouldn't because of Dawn and because of what they had lost. It was easier to pretend it wasn't there. That it hadn't happened. 

 

It was easier to pretend she was Annie and had always lived in Texas with her older brother and younger sister. That Buffy Summers had never existed and that she hadn't lost it all. That she hadn't been screwed over everyday of her life since she was 15 by the PTB's. That she wasn't playing Russian roulette with what was left of her life. She went from one profession that was sure to kill her before she was 25 (and had twice) to one that would probably see her dead before 35. 

 

And she didn't care it would ease away the pain. Though she probably wouldn't go to heaven anymore. After all she was a killer now. And the world and the PTB's that ran it had proved to be an unforgiving lot. Well screw them. She had to smile at that. 

 

"So how did you meet him" Richard asked curiosity in his voice. It ripped her from her thoughts. 

 

"Hmm oh he was going to kill me" Anne said absentmindedly then had to smile at Anita's shocked face and Richards's horrified one. 

 

"How are you still alive then? Edward always gets his target." Anita said surprised. 

 

"I was down in Texas. Living in a ratty apartment and struggling to keep a roof over my head and my sisters. I'm going home from the rinky dink diner I just did double shifts in and walked into a job of his. I saw it all and I saw in his eyes what he was going to do to me. I was a witness after all. I tricked him and knocked him out. I left and he tracked me down a week later. He'd changed his mind and offered me a job instead. I needed money so I agreed. The rest is history" Anne told them blandly as she swirled her drink in her glass. 

 

"That's like selling your soul to the devil. How could you?" Richard asked horrified. 

 

"Maybe it was but I'm alive and can send my sister to college so it was worth it. And be serious if I'd have said no I'd be dead now. I was a witness. I chose to survive and I don't regret that" Anne told him and ignored the sympathy that came in his eyes. 

 

She rolled her eyes at Anita. Richard was proving to be way too moral. Anita grinned and Anne saw she understood the story. 

 

"Well I've gotta go. See ya'll at the wedding" She drawled out and downed her drink in one gulp. The straight up whiskey burned but she ignored it and headed out. She still felt the need to beat the crap out of something. 

 

****************************** 

 

But the summer sun is melting now 

With the leaves I'll soon be gone 

Will you have the strength when the emptiness shadows fall 

Or will your aching heart be ripped apart 

By the beating from the storm 

Or will howling gales like yesterdays be gone 

Yeah be gone... be gone 

 

Dawn had stayed up until her sister came home. She wanted to be there for her. Annie stumbled in at dawn bleeding and drunk. She was also singing completely off key about first love and pain. Dawn helped her to her room and looked her over. The bruises would be gone in a few hours if only could say for the one's on her sisters soul. 

 

Annie was up and about at noon getting ready for the wedding. She didn't give any sign of what she'd gone through the night before. Every trace that had escaped of Buffy had been pushed back down. Hidden in the dark and cold. 

 

Dawn often wondered if her sister had developed a split personality. She seemed to have slipped into the role of Annie so easily. And as Annie she was cold and fake. None of the messy emotions she'd gone through as Buffy. When Buffy came out there was so much pain and disappointment and she understood why she hid her away. But not dealing with it wasn't making it go away. So her sister had two faces she wore. 

 

The wedding went off without a hitch. The groom, best man, and maid of honor had come armed just in case. 

 

"How'd you know my exact measurements?" Anita asked as they waited in the front as the bridesmaids passed. 

 

"What are you talking about?" Ted asked smiling his good ol' boy smile. 

 

"Annie said she made sure the dress was the right height but the other measurements you supplied and when I put this gown on it fit perfectly." Anita told him softly. 

 

Edward was about to reply but then Donna was walking down the aisle and he looked amazed and something softened in him. It was startling to see and Anita relaxed maybe this wedding wasn't such a bad thing. Edward though he wasn't admitting it was obviously in love with Donna. 

 

As she saw the cold glint still in his eyes she amended that. Well as much as he could love someone. On this end things were going to be okay. 

 

************************************ 

 

We've nothing left to lose but your wings and 

my frown 

 

Dawn waited until she was sure that the kids were asleep in the backseat. They were staying with Annie while Ted and Donna had their honeymoon. The reception had been fun. She'd joked with Annie and Anita about Edward and the song he'd chosen for the wedding dance. Richard had seemed kind of confused and he'd kept sending her and Annie looks of sympathy. She'd have to remember to ask her sister what that was about. 

 

But right now Dawn was building herself to ask how Anne was taking the news she'd dropped the day before. She needed to know it was okay with her. She didn't want to cause her pain but she wasn't going to stop seeing Connor either. She just needed things between them to be okay. 

 

"Are you okay with this? Are you going to be able to deal with my choice?" Dawn asked. 

 

The car was silent for a long time and Dawn got stiffer and stiffer. 

 

"It's okay. If he grew into his looks he's probably rivaling his dad now. And I liked what I saw in him when we talked all those years ago. He'll do I guess. But if he hurts you I'll hunt him down and present you with his heart in a box" Anne said and Dawn smiled even though she knew Annie was completely serious. 

 

If Connor ever did anything like break her heart Anne would go and rip his out for her. For that Anne would break her vow to never step foot in L.A. Maybe things would be better now. And Anne was going to St. Louis soon. Maybe that would be the best thing that would happen to Annie. She didn't notice the sharp edge of pain in her sister's eyes. Or the solitary tear that leaked out. 

 

Tell me why no one's listenin' 

Is there nothing at all left to say 

In a world so unforgiving 

You mean more to me each every day 

So may the living be dead in our wake


	5. part 5

Will you, walk me 

To the edge again 

Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again 

 

 

Faith shoved her sunglasses higher against the glare of light as she exited the plane. Hangovers suck and the damn plane ride didn't help. She hated planes. How anyone could put their lives in the balance by letting some idiot fly them over 50 feet in the air and smile happily over it she would never know. Planes were evil and you would never convince her otherwise. They were a torture device invented by devious minds. How else do you explain the uncomfortable seats and ear popping? 

 

She sighed and made her way to the baggage claim. She did not want to be in St. Louis, had not wanted to leave L.A. but Angel insisted. And damn him he was boss and what he said goes. And even though she loathed to admit it he was right on this one. 

 

She'd needed to leave if just for a while. To escape the pitiful excuse of a relationship she'd had with Spike and she was afraid she was very close to burning out. Which was ridiculous. Slayers didn't burn out. At least she didn't want to be the first too. 

 

Course burn out was the probably the top reason slayers died. And even if she was one of the last two slayers she chose to pretend the signs weren't there. 

 

If you stopped caring you died because you no longer had a reason to live or fight. And it'd been a while since she could remember her reason for being. After all demons were practically none existent since five years ago since the spell. Since the hellmouth had been closed and their realities were changed. 

 

Since the merging of the two dimensions. Something that no one knew about except those that had fought and been apart of the change and it'd also been 5 years since the death of the Scoobies. Or supposed death. Nothing had been found. 

 

But she knew B was still alive. She'd have felt her death through their connection. B had just run and was in hiding. There was no destiny to hold them anymore. So why did it still feel as if it was their duty. She was made to fight it had been her purpose for so long and now she felt lost not that it wasn't what she was meant for. 

 

There was no slayer needed but she still fought.For redemption and yet she didn't think she needed it anymore. She just wanted it to be over. 

 

She was tired. After collecting her bags she looked around to see if she could find the person who was suppose to be meeting her. Due to an incident that had happened a few years ago everyone thought she was Angel's human servant. Angel never corrected this and now she was used to playing the part. It came naturally. But she knew she was just standing in for B. She spotted the blonde wolf and made her way over. Her instincts screamed he was the one she was to meet. As if to confirm it her name was spoken over the loud speaker and told her to meet her party at the spot the wolf stood waiting. 

 

She saw the blonde look her over and take in the tight leather pants and her little shirt with the words "Gotta Have Faith" blazing out in red. The shirt had been a gift from Connor on her last birthday. She saw the appreciation in his eyes and forced herself to give a flirty smile. She'd sworn off blondes thanks to Spike. 

 

"You looking for me?" she asked teasingly. 

 

"You're the Master of L.A. human servant? The one here to talk with Jean-Claude?" The wolf asked. 

 

"Yeah I'm the one here to do business with the Master of St. Louis" Faith said avoiding the first question. She rarely lied these days. 

 

"Then your chariot awaits. I am your escort Jason" The blonde wolf told her flirting. 

 

Faith couldn't help but laugh at his really bad accent. "Lead on" she told him once she finished laughing. And they left the airport with Faith feeling a bit more lighthearted. Maybe Angel forcing her to leave L.A. for a while was going to be a good thing. 

 

* * * 

 

Caught up, in life 

Losing all my friends 

Family has tried, to heal all my addictions 

Woke up tonight and no one's here with me 

I'm giving in to you 

 

 

Faith was taken to the Circus of the Damned which she had a good laugh over. It was just so Anne Rice like. She planned to stay a week and no more. Get the negotiations over with and then relax a bit before leaving. She knew it was not vital for her to be here. Anyone else could have done it. Either Gunn or Wes but he'd insisted it be her. The human servant needed to be the one to do it.And she'd consented but she planned to get this over with as soon as possible. 

 

But when they got there she was greeted by a gorgeous vampire. She knew he was because her every sense screamed it. But she lost her breath at seeing him barely even taking note of the scars. He called to her on a level she didn't understand or want to. These feelings scared her and so she chose to ignore them. She pushed them down. He was blonde well if you counted his gold hair a shade of blond which she did. 

 

She could feel his gaze burn into her. And then shivered as she heard his voice. It was a voice of sex and sin. The words flowed like honey and she could feel it reach deep inside her. The French accent was also a plus. "Jean-Claude regrets he cannot meet today but something vitally important has come up and he can not see you until tomorrow. So I have been sent to help you settle in for your stay and to show you around. I am Asher and I am the Masters right hand man" Asher told her and she gave a short nod. Damn now she couldn't avoid him he was her guide. She fought panic as the blond wolf Jason slunk away. She was alone with golden haired hunky vampire. 

 

No blondes. Blondes bad. Hormones must stay in check. I can fight my glands. I'm in control. No blondes. Blondes bad. No blondes. Blondes bad. No blondes. Blondes bad. No blondes. Blondes bad. She silently chanted as she was shown to her room. She would never get used to staying in vampire lairs. No matter how nice they usually were. She always had to fight the instinct that screamed danger at her. She put her things by the bed and ignored the look that she saw in the vamps eyes. And ignored the way his eyes followed her movements. This was going to be a long visit. 

 

* * * 

 

Tragic it seems, to be alone again 

I'm giving in to you 

 

"Are you sure?" Jean-Claude asked Jason as he stopped looking over documents. 

 

"Oh yeah I know how to interpret looks and well there is my sense of smell. Asher likes her and he also lusts after her. And the look she gave him before she could cover up showed she liked what she saw" Jason told his master.

 

Jean-Claude got a thoughtful look in his eyes. Asher never showed interest in women. Not since Julianne and not since Anita. Anita who would never be Asher's a fate Asher had long since accepted. And woman did not come to Asher because of the scars. They never seemed to get past the exterior. Something Jean-Claude considered a great injustice. 

 

And now here was a woman who had seen past them. One who was bound to another. But that did not matter. 

 

Jean-Claude wished to relieve Asher of his loneliness. To help him heal from the damage that was done to him so long ago. And now he had an idea of how to accomplish this. And who to use to get it done. 

 

"Call Asher to my office. I'm busy today also and will not be able to talk business with Faith again. Let him know he is to keep her entertained again" Jean-Claude ordered Jason. 

 

And as Jason left Jean-Claude sat back in his chair and began to plan. 

 

(A.N. I can just see JC tapping his finger together Mr. Burns style as he plans. :) ) 

 

 

* * * 

 

I look forward, to dying tonight 

Drinks still on myself, life's harder every day 

The stress has got me 

I'm giving in 

 

Faith looked at Jean-Claude as she sat down. He sat behind his desk watching h her. She knew he'd avoided this meeting until she had pushed for it. Hell the week she'd planned to stay here for was almost over. Something had always come up to delay it. She wouldn't have cared except it meant she'd had to spend everyday with Asher. 

 

And Faith was never good around temptation. But she'd been able to avoid Asher. Mainly because the feelings he caused scared her. You don't feel for the guys you get involved with that only leads to trouble. I mean look at the mess with Spike. 

 

She'd started to care and he didn't. So no Asher for her and mentally ignored the few kisses she'd given him when her control disappeared the night before and she'd pounced him. 

 

She hadn't seen such a dumbfounded vamp since her days in Sunnydale. And she'd immediately hightailed it back to her room and demanded a meeting with Jean-Claude the next night. She wasn't made to be in relationships with vamps. They always ended in disaster. You can't be with someone you were made to destroy. 

 

I can't lose sight of what I am. Faith reminded herself silently. 

 

"So glad you could fit me into your busy schedule" Faith said dryly surveying the room. You could tell she didn't believe he'd been busy. 

 

"I apologize for having kept putting this meeting off but some unavoidable issues came up and I had to deal with them. So tell me what does the Master of L.A. have to speak with me about." Jean-Claude asked. 

 

Faith instantly became all business. 

 

"The Master of L.A. requests permission to enter St. Louis in six months. He also wishes his childe the Master of Sunnydale to be allowed to enter." Faith told him. 

 

Jean-Claude sat up straight at this and actually dumped the uninterested look he'd had before. 

 

"And the reason for his visit?" Jean-Claude asked 

 

"His son is getting married and the girl's family is here. The bride to be demands the wedding be held here. We have conceded to this and now need but to be granted entry. We are very willing to negotiate." Faith explained and it was all she could do to keep from rolling her eyes. 

 

Politics were such a pain in the ass sometimes. And as she sat waiting for answer she could see him plotting. What was he up to? She could practically see the wheels turning as he planned something. She felt something was about to happen that she wasn't going to like. She felt a brush of what was it fate...destiny? She wasn't sure but it made her stomach clench. 

 

Every breath in my body screams for me to run. Run from these people who lie to me. Faith shook her head as the words entered her mind. She didn't understand where they came from but she knew what they meant. She was about to be lied to or conned. 

 

"Your Master may enter the city for the ceremony." Jean-Claude finally agreed. 

 

Faith waited for the condition and it wasn't long coming. 

 

"But in return you must stay here from now until the wedding. With Asher. As his lover." Jean-Claude told her. 

 

"Excuse me?!!!" Faith exclaimed in shock. This she had not seen coming. "Do you see whore written on me somewhere? I'm not for sale or negotiation!" 

 

"Do you not want him? Did I somehow mistake the signs?" Jean-Claude asked with false innocence. 

 

"Not the point. I am bound to someone else and am not a part of this deal" Faith said resorting to all out lies now. To out get out of this she'd admit to being a vestal virgin or a man in disguise. 

 

"Then I'm afraid the deal is off" jean-Claude said flatly. 

 

"Why are you doing this? I seriously doubt Asher need help getting women and I don't think he'd appreciate forcing if he knew of this" Faith asked flabbergasted. 

 

"It is not really forcing since it is something you desire but are denying yourself. And you must understand not many women see beyond the exterior. The scars Asher bears repulse them. And he has not wanted a woman since his human servant died long ago. Until you" Jean-Claude told her. 

 

"I cannot be gone so long from my master" Faith said searching for another way out any way out. 

 

"Your Master is said to have many humans working for him. He will get by." Jean-Claude pointed out. 

 

And just like that she was caught. "We must think about it" she murmured eyes far away as if she was listening to something. 

 

She turned to leave but turned back as he spoke her name. 

 

"Do not think too long" Jean-Claude warned. 

 

She gave a tight nod and fled. Leaving Jean-Claude smiling at his triumph.

 

* * * 

 

Take me under 

(I'm killing all the faith) 

I'm dying tonight 

(I'm sick of all that faith) 

Watch me crumble 

(I'm killing all the faith) 

I'm crying tonight 

 

Faith raged behind her clothes door. Only Angel got her into these messes. 

Goddamn him to hell. 

 

She whipped out her cell phone and dialed L.A. Angel was going to find her a way out of this or there would be hell to pay. The phone ran forever and when it was answered she almost wished it hadn't been picked up. 

 

"'Ello" an irritable British voice said. 

 

"Put Angel on" she got out through a clenched jaw. 

 

"Faith? About time you checked in? Are you coming back? L.A.'s just not the same without you" Spike said huskily. 

 

Faith felt nothing. It really was over. Whatever budding feelings she'd had for him he had killed. And for a moment she mourned for what would never be. She'd never felt love and she'd finally been so close to it and he'd thrown it in her face. And now here he was trying to slither his way back in her pants. 

 

He was the reason she was avoiding blonds. The reason she'd been sent into this mess. The reason she'd nursed a half-broken heart for three months until it affected her job. The reason she'd begun to lose focus and will. He was the reason for this goddamn mess. And anger filled her entire being. 

 

"No Spike I'm not coming back. Not to you or L.A. We are defiantly over this time. This time forever. In fact I've got someone new and plan to stay in St. Louis for the next six months. Tell Angel for me. See you at the wedding" Faith said and then heaved her phone across the room. 

 

It smashed against the wall and shattered into little pieces. Damn that cell was a bitch to replace price wise. Goddamn strength. She forgot sometimes how much it increased and how much she'd changed. 

 

She looked in the mirror and snarled. Lies told in the heat of the moment were impossible to take back. She was a liar. Her whole existence and being was a lie. Her life was a lie. She looked back towards the mirror. At her reflection and sighed. 

 

Even my reflection lies. What I see, what lies just beyond that glass mocking me. I'm not real. My reality has been taken away and I can't seem to adapt. I've been given a life I don't want to understand one I don't want to live. One shrouded in lies. I don't even know who I really am anymore. What my destiny is or what fate has planned for me. Or if I really care. No, I don't care about destiny. I don't care about fate. 

 

Faith straightened and headed to Jean-Claude's office. 

 

"You've got a deal" Faith told him putting the final nail in her coffin. If she was going to self destruct she might as well do it with a bang. Or a really hot vamp. She snickered at that. 

 

"Excellent" Jean-Claude said feeling as if he won. 

 

He didn't even know it was because of an idiotic blonde vamp and a slayer going through a midlife crisis at 25 that had caused him to get his way. Faith had never had room to fail or live a regular life. Failure in her life meant death and she'd already gone down that path in her teens. She'd paid the price and since her fall from grace she'd strived to never fail. But she was human and far from perfect. 

 

I have no room to fail. I have no room for life. Faith's inner voice whispered. 

 

I'm going to make time. It's my right to have a life. To choose to have a life. Choice is freedom and freedom is life. I can't lose sight of what I am. But I can also make my own path and destiny. Live my own life without others guiding me. She shot back. 

 

She was giving in to her own wants and desires for once. She would decide what it was she wanted or needed. Who she was she didn't really know but she was going to find out. She was giving in and it felt great. 

 

I'm giving in to you 

Take me under 

I'm giving in to you 

I'm dying tonight 

I'm giving in to you 

Watch me crumble 

I'm giving in to you 

 

Note: Song is Giving in by Adema


	6. part 7 - Fine Again

It seems like every day's the same 

and I'm left to discover on my own 

It seems like everything is gray 

and there's no color to behold 

They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah 

Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here 

 

 

Faith hadn't been sure how she was going to make her move on Asher. She didn't want to just jump him and deal with the consequences in the morning. She wasn't like that any more. Hadn't been that way in a long time. It turned out she didn't have to worry about it because he made the first move. She guessed that their make out session from the day before was all the encouragement he needed. When she made her mind up about something she usually didn't wait long to go for it. 

 

It was left over from her youth when she hadn't thought and just acted. It's what had often gotten her in trouble her impulsiveness. But prison had taught her patience. And for now she could let things go as it came. She had a lot to plan. Most especially how she was going to get Jean-Claude back. While she did like Asher and was enjoying their newfound relationship that did not mean she was thankful to Jean-Claude. He had forced her hand and she did not like being given ultimatums or conned. 

 

"What are you thinking ma chere?" Asher asked placing a kiss on her forehead. 

 

"Nothing. Just wondering how they are getting on in L.A." Faith told him and added silently and plotting my revenge on your master. 

 

Faith was living each day as it came and trying to find herself again. She had come to terms that she was no longer a slayer. You couldn't be a slayer in a world where all vamps had souls. 

 

It was murder unless they were evil. Which close to where the hellmouth had been there was still an unfortunately high number but Angel had that under control. 

 

"When do you go back" Asher asked. 

 

Startled out of her thought she turned to face him. 

 

"You don't know? I thought Jean-Claude had told you" Faith said surprised. 

 

"Told me what?" Asher asked eyes darkening. He was obviously sensing something was up. 

 

"I'm staying until the wedding which is in about six months. After that who knows" Faith told him She had seriously considered ratting Jean-Claude out but she knew it would hurt Asher more that it would Jean-Claude. He would view it as if she had been forced and hadn't wanted him. And while on one level she had been forced into it that didn't mean she didn't want and like Asher. He was different from every guy she'd ever been with. He actually wanted to know her the real her. He didn't take her at face value. And he listened to her. When she talked he actually listened as if what she had to say was important and worthwhile. 

 

The thing was how could she show him who she was when she didn't even know. She had no clue who she was anymore. She'd spent so many years playing a part she wasn't even sure when she'd stopped playing it and become it. Or if she hadn't become the part she'd been playing who had she become. 

 

Asher had quieted after she'd answered. He was brooding about her leaving. Too him six months was not enough time. He was jolted out of his thoughts a he felt his scars caressed. He looked up to see Faith leaning over him. She had never seemed to care about his scars. 

 

Not even when she'd first seen them. They hadn't fazed her and he wondered what other things she had seen that this seemed like nothing. He sensed there were things she was hiding. But that was just a feeling and not confirmed since he could read nothing off of her. He attributed this to the fact that she was bonded with someone else. 

 

He also saw how she seemed at a loss. Oh she hid it well but to the careful observer it showed. And he wondered if it was the work of her master. Was she not treated well is that what made her so wary? 

 

But he knew it wasn't because she spoke of her master with such affection something he doubted she would be able to do if he did not treat her well. And it burned him inside that she so obviously loved her master. Love he wanted only for himself. 

 

But then she kissed him and it didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that for the moment she was his and he was hers. 

 

* * * 

 

And I am aware now of how 

everything's gonna be fine one day 

Too late, I'm in hell I am prepared now, 

seems everyone's gonna be fine 

One day too late, just as well 

 

Okay so to figure out who I am I began to make lists of my likes and dislikes. Seriously I saw it on this movie with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. But it was going slowly. 

 

So far the definite were that I like Chinese and my favorite color is black. I'm a high school graduate (finished it in jail) and have some college (also in jail) and work for the master of LA. I've lived on my own since I was about 13 and can cook. 

 

Well okay I cook enough so that I don't starve other than I live on take out which probably explains my love for Chinese. I like rock and alternative music. I know lots of different fighting styles like tae kwon do, street fighting, karate, tai chi, some kung fu, and load more. But this is definitely is not what you base your entire being on. At least I don't think it is. 

 

Faith sighed and tossed the book she'd been writing in into her drawer in disgust. She really was getting nowhere. She got up and stretched. She changed and decided to go look for Asher maybe he was out of whatever meetings he was in. But he wasn't and she felt annoyed. This was closely followed by panic was she getting to attached to him. after all this was temporary. 

 

Bored and tense she decided to do some of the tai chi exercises Angel had taught her. They often centered her. As she went through the forms she felt herself relax and calm down. 

 

"Who the hell are you?" a voice said cutting into her relaxed state. Faith turned to see a petite curly haired brunette glaring at her. For a moment she thought of her lost sister slayer and then shook it off. The only thing they had in common was the height. 

 

"I'm Faith. Who are you?" Faith shot back softly. 

 

"Anita Blake" the brunette said watching Faith and Faith could tell she was being weight and measured. 

 

"Oh Jean-Claude's human servant" Faith said as it hit her who she was. Anita didn't take it that way she took it as a taunt and saw red. She started going for her weapons and Faith raised her hands. 

 

"Whoa, down tiger. I was just stating a fact. Jeez chill. Little trigger happy aren't we" Faith semi-teased. 

 

Anita did not look happy at all. Then something seemed to occur to her. "You the human servant of that master in L.A. You're the one Jason was telling me was involved with Asher" Anita cried out suddenly. 

 

"Umm yeah I'm the one getting it on with Asher. So?" Faith sneered. This chick was getting on her nerves more than B ever had. Course B had only ever got on her nerves when she was being self-righteous and acting perfect. 

 

"So you break his heart I break your face" Anita snapped. 

 

Faith looked at her. Was she serious? And she could tell by her face she was. Faith started laughing. 

 

"I could take you blind-folded and with one of my arms tied behind my back but I'll let that go since its your concern talking. Next time though I'll show you and not just warn you." Faith informed her. 

 

Hell if she wished she could take on of the master vamps in this world. One of the perks of the merged dimensions her powers had increased to deal with the increased threat in this world. 

 

"Ah there you are ma chere. I see you've met Anita" Asher said stepping into the room. 

 

"Yes we were just having a little girl talk. I think she's here to see Jean-Claude" Faith told him. 

 

"Ah yes I've just come from his office. He's there waiting for you." Asher said.

 

"Thank you Asher" Anita responded her face becoming neutral. 

 

Anita gave me one last look as if to say this wasn't the end stalked off. Faith could see she was going to have a hard time getting alone with Anita. 

 

* * * 

 

I feel the dream in me expire 

and there's no one left to blame it on 

I hear you label me a liar 

'cause I can't seem to get this through 

You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah 

Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here 

 

"We are having for formal dinner this Friday. Do you want to go shopping? Anita offered to take you if you do not have anything to wear." Asher told her later that night. 

 

"Hmm" Faith murmured. 

 

Shopping with Anita she'd rather take on hellhounds and killer zombies. Then again after seeing how Anita had JC wrapped around her finger she'd gotten the idea for a perfect revenge on him. This shopping trip could be way to put it in action. 

 

"So what's the dinner for?" Faith asked curious. 

 

"Anita is introducing her friend Annie to Jean-Claude. She wants us to get to know her." Asher told her 

 

"Why?" Faith asked baffled. 

 

"Because Annie is an assassin and Anita just found out that Annie does not accept jobs for people she knows personally. It seems Annie is very good at what she does and Anita does not want to tempt fate" Asher said dryly. 

 

Faith looked at him in disbelief for a moment and then burst into laughter. "Your kidding! I'll go to the dinner just to meet this lady." Faith said calming down. 

 

"So you will go shopping with Anita?" Asher asked 

 

Faith made her mind up in an instant. She smiled wickedly at Asher. 

 

"Oh. Yeah I'll go shopping with Anita it will be an experience. It'll be fun to have someone to do girl stuff with." Faith told him. 

 

For a moment Asher felt uneasy. He knew she was lying about the girly stuff. Neither Anita or Faith were very girly in the get our hair and nails done way. They were more like girly in a kick butt Xena: Warrior Princess way. But then Asher stopped thinking about it as Faith began to change for the night. It wasn't until much later that he began to wonder if something was going on that he didn't know about. 

 

* * * 

 

And I'm not scared now. 

I must assure you, 

you're never gonna get away 

And I'm not scared now. 

And I'm not scared now. No... 

 

Anita it seemed was not a morning person. Faith herself wasn't but was put in a good mood because Anita's was so crabby. 

 

They were headed for the boutiques in a tense silence. Finally it seemed Anita could not help it and started to talk. 

 

"I know there is more going on than you just dating Asher. What's your hidden agenda?" Anita asked. 

 

Faith just smiled and shook her head. 

 

"I'm not up to anything and I've got no hidden agenda." Faith told her as she looked through the racks. 

 

"You're lying! I can sense something going on. That means you're up to something" Anita said sharply. 

 

"No sweetie that means your paranoid" Faith shot back. 

 

Anita saw red and Faith couldn't help but laugh as she watched Anita fight to keep control. As it is she could see Anita's fingers twitching. 

 

"Besides your asking the wrong questions" Faith said as she saw a few possibilities on that rack before moving on to the next. 

 

"Wrong questions?" Anita echoed. 

 

"Its not what I'm up to you should be asking its what JC is up to you should wonder about." Faith told her. 

 

"Jean-Claude? Why? What is he up too now?" Anita said voice raising. 

 

"Are you sure you don't know? Are you sure your not just trying to stay in denial?" Faith asked pulling a dress from the back and examining it. 

 

"Tell me!" Anita got out through grit teeth. 

 

"Well don't you think it's a little weird that I got here less than two weeks ago and yet here I am so deeply involved with Asher? That we got so close so fast. Don't you find it impossible? And don't lie" Faith said examining another dress. Perfect. 

 

"What are you saying" Anita demanded 

 

"You know what I'm saying. Do the math. No one hooks up that fast. Not without help" Faith said dryly. 

 

"Are you saying Jean-Claude made you get with Asher?" Anita said pissed. 

 

"Well its not that big a deal. Asher is way hot but I'd had no intention of getting with him until Jean-Claude made it a condition of the deal." Faith said softly. 

 

"I can't believe it" Anita said looking shocked. 

 

"Here's this ones for you. I'm going to go try mine on" Faith turned away and a wicked smile crossed her face. 

 

Now that she'd laid the seeds she just let them sink in and take root. She took her time trying on the dress. Then she came out and posed for Anita. 

 

"So what do you think?" Faith asked with double meaning. 

 

"I think you're a liar" Anita said ignoring the outfit. 

 

"Really" Faith said with an eyebrow arched "Its really very easy to confirm. You're his human servant and you two are bonded in every way. Use that bond and you'll see I'm telling the truth." 

 

And she could tell the moment Anita did and found the truth. From the anger that crossed Anita's face. Surprisingly there was also hurt. What was that about? 

 

"Tell me everything" Anita demanded 

 

"You sure your really wanna know?" Faith asked. 

 

Anita nodded and Faith sighed. 

 

"Okay I'll just change and pay for this and we'll go talk. By the way did you like the dress" Faith said heading back to the dressing room. 

 

Anita blinked and looked down and was amazed to find she did. And it was a dress she wouldn't mind wearing more than once. 

 

"Yes I do" Anita admitted as she checked the size. It was her size too. How the hell had she known? 

 

They went to a coffee place that was just at the end of the street. 

 

"Well?" Anita asked after they placed their orders. 

 

"It all started with a wedding. No that's a lie it all started when my boyfriend dumped me and I became self-destructive. In my life you become careless or absentminded and you die. So of course Angel (master of L.A) sent me here on what was suppose to be an easy job. It was suppose to give me time to recover. All I had to do was get him permission to enter in six months for his son's wedding. JC threw it all through the loop when he placed the condition. I had to stay until the wedding as Asher's lover." Faith said drinking her latte. 

 

She watched Anita beneath hooded eyes. Oh yeah she could see Anita thinking she had been taken advantage of. Right off she had noticed Anita had that hero complex. She felt the need to help those who couldn't help themselves. Or at least she did once she considered them hers to protect. And Faith had just put herself on that list. 

 

"That bastard" Anita hissed "When I get my hands on him..." 

 

"No you can't tell him I told you he might say that renders the agreement void or something. And Angel's got to be at his kid's wedding. Besides it's no big deal. I like Asher he's different from all the deadbeats I've dated. And I was attracted to him. I just didn't like the choice forced on me and the decision taken out of my hands ya know." Faith said softly. 

 

At this point Faith felt she was laying it on to thick. But she was telling the truth even if she was using it to get what she wanted. 

 

On the way back she suppressed a smile. Now Anita would do the rest for her. She was satisfied. Anita could do a lot worse to JC and get away with it than she could. Revenge was fun. 

 

* * * 

 

I am aware now of how 

everything's gonna be fine one day 

Too late, I'm in hell 

I am prepared now 

seems everyone's gonna be fine 

 

 

Asher seemed to really like the slinky blood-red dress I'd chosen. I hadn't known you could have a combination of classy and still revealing dress but here it was. 

 

He'd even dressed up nice too. The dinner was at this pretty swanky place. I was still giving JC the cold shoulder. Hey just because I'd sicced Anita on him didn't mean I forgave him. No way I was still pissed as hell. I was coolly polite because just flat out ignoring him would make Asher uncomfortable. So we sat and waited calmly for Anita to get here with her friend.

 

Asher and Jean-Claude began to talk about something quietly and I knew they didn't want me to hear what about cause they were speaking French. I rolled my eyes and drifted off into lala land. 

 

And then suddenly I heard Anita go "Jean-Claude, Asher this is Annie". 

 

I looked up surprised cause I hadn't heard her approach and froze in shock. There facing me was my sister slayer. The one we had searched so long for. I saw all the color drain from her face. 

 

"B" was all I could get out in my shock. 

 

"Oh my god! Faith?" B said before turning and running out. I didn't even pause to explain I ran after her. 

 

One day too late, just as well 

I am prepared now, 

seems everything's gonna be fine for me 

 

Song was Fine Again by Seether


	7. part 8 - Always

I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind" 

It's telling me all these things, that you would probably hide 

Am I, your one and only desire 

Am I the reason you breathe, or am I the reason you cry 

 

L.A. 

 

Silence was all she could hear as she finished her story. She couldn't look him in the eyes afraid of what she would see. As the silence grew so did the tension. Her stomach was in knots and with each passing minute it seemed to twist mor. She was having trouble breathing but forced herself to breathe normally. Oh god what would she do if he rejected her. If he couldn't deal with all she'd hidden from him. 

 

"Dawn look at me" Connor said and reluctantly she looked up from her tightly clasped hands and into his eyes. 

 

"Why are you telling me this now?" Connor asked. 

 

She sighed and rose from her position. She wandered over the picture she had of herself, Annie and Ted. The "family" portrait. 

 

"Because I never meant for it to go this far. I told you because I had to come clean. When I met you I had no clue about who you were and by the time I did it was too late. I was so in love with you I didn't care. Couldn't care about anyone else except what I felt for you and what you felt for me. And if we are going to go through with this it needs to be real. There can't be any secrets or lies between us. We wouldn't survive it. I know we wouldn't" Dawn said and turned back to face him. 

 

"I was Dawn Summers. And maybe some part of her still lives in me somewhere but now I am Dawn Marie Forrester. It's who I've become who I've made myself. You know my present but you also needed to know my past and accept it." Dawn told him fiercely. 

 

Connor's eyes were unreadable and he just watched her for a moment. 

 

"And while I needed you to know the truth you can't tell anyone else. Especially not your father. Annie doesn't want to see him or him to know where she is. It's why she never comes to see me and why I always go to her for holidays. She's never coming back to California. Not for anything in the world" Dawn told him an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

 

"You didn't have to tell me" Connor finally told her. 

 

"Yes I did" Dawn contradicted. 

 

"No I mean I already knew" Connor said 

 

Dawn's jaw dropped. She was shocked. He knew? How could he have known? And how could he have let her work herself up like this if he had known? 

 

"You knew? You knew and you never said anything?" she asked eyes narrowed. 

 

"Of course I knew. Dawn I met your sister years ago. I didn't know at first but that day we wound up back here in your apartment after that dinner with my dad. I sat here and I saw the picture. She hasn't changed. Her hair is longer but that's as far as I can tell." Connor told her. 

 

"She has changed just not physically. Though lately in St. Louis she's more relaxed. Laid back. Its like finally she seems to be coming back to herself." Dawn told him 

 

"And when I saw the picture it all came together. I knew and at first it bothered me. You were lying to me and I was so angry and hurt. It's why I stayed away that week. You remember you finally got fed up and confronted me. Said if I didn't want to be with you to just say so and not just disappear and leave you hanging. You were so mad and that's when I realized it didn't matter. You are Dawn Marie Forrester and that's who I fell in love with. So I let it go." Connor told her 

 

Dawn did remember and she got teary eyed. 

 

"I never knew" she said softly. 

 

"That's why I'm letting the wedding be in St. Louis. Why I've let you do it all your way. And why I know you haven't told Annie. I just hope this doesn't blow up in our faces" Connor told her 

 

Dawn was relieved. He knew and it didn't matter. She threw her arms around him and he hugged her back. And even though it was all out in the open she couldn't rid herself of the nagging feeling in the back of her head. Something was coming. Something big. 

 

She could feel it in her bones and somehow she didn't think it would be a good thing. She shivered and tightened her arms around Connor. Let it come she thought fiercely. Let it come. She couldn't be afraid any longer. She was going to live her life...her way. 

 

*** 

 

Always... always... always... always... always... always... 

I just can't live without you 

 

Dawn was walking down the street heading home. Finals were over and soon she would have her graduation ceremony. Annie of course was not coming and Dawn forced herself to push back the sadness that threatened to overwhelm her. She'd chosen to go to school in the state her sister vowed never to return to and sometimes she had to deal with the consequences of it. But it didn't make her feel any better. 

 

It did warm her that Ted, Donna, and the kids were coming though. Mainly because it would seem odd to miss your sisters graduation but also because she knew somewhere deep inside him Ted did care. He hadn't wanted to but somehow he had. And she knew it still puzzled him as to why. He was a killer and for so long hadn't cared about anyone or anything and then suddenly there they were worming their way in. Dawn had laughed when he had told her that. 

 

Suddenly she whirled and stabbed with her knife that she'd drawn. The person behind her stopped it an inch from his heart. 

 

"Careful there Dawnie you might hurt someone" the man said raising a scarred eyebrow. 

 

"Spike you shouldn't sneak up on people like that" Dawn scowled. She always felt so awkward around him. Once upon a blue moon she had been so close to him. He'd been the big brother she'd never had. But when the end came he hadn't been there. 

 

Okay she knew it was because he was in L.A with Angel but he hadn't been there when she'd desperately needed him. And she had never really forgiven him for trying to force her sister. Even after he came back with a soul a semi-changed man. Spike after all would never really change. The soul didn't weigh him down like it used to do to Angel. 

 

"Finals over then, niblet?" Spike asked taking a drag on his cigarette. Dawn froze. Spike hadn't called her that in years. And he didn't know that she was his Dawn. The one he'd always protected. 

 

"What did you call me?" Dawn asked faintly 

 

"What I've always called you" Spike told her watching her with those intense blue eyes. 

 

"I don't know what you're talking about" Dawn denied and took a few steps back. 

 

She considered running but it would do no good he would just match her pace. She was trapped. 

 

"Yes you do. Don't lie" Spike told her. 

 

*** 

 

I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you 

I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you 

I just can't take anymore, this lack of solitude 

I guess that I'm out the door and now I'm done with you 

Done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you, one with you 

 

 

"Did Connor tell you? Did he rent a billboard stating my real identity? Am I going to have to hurt him?" Dawn snapped feeling hurt. How could he have hurt her like this? He'd promised to tell no one. 

 

"Junior didn't say anything. I didn't even know he knew. I've always known since I first saw you again after all those years. I just didn't say anything" Spike told her tossing his cigarette down and grinding it out with his heel. 

 

Dawn look at him in surprise and remembered. 

 

*Flashback* 

March 2005 

 

It had only been a few months since that dinner with Connor's dad. She'd avoided them since then which was hard since now they seemed to want to get to know her and grill her on her life before L.A. 

 

She'd managed so far but couldn't get out of it tonight. Some big party Angel was giving that Connor had to show at. And Connor wanted her to be his date. Oh how she wished she could find a way around it but she couldn't. She was dating the master of the city's son after all. 

 

So she put on the slinky dress and applied her make-up and resigned herself to a night of playing pretend and guarding her every word. She was almost finished when she heard her front door open. 

 

"Dawn" she heard Connor call. 

 

"Almost done" she called back then muttered "unfortunately" 

 

When they got to the place it wasn't as bad as she imagined. They were too busy playing host to try and trip her up. So she relaxed and began to enjoy herself. She even convinced Connor to dance with her. It was going great and then it happened. 

 

"Mind if I cut in junior" the voice all but purred. 

 

"Oh hey Spike. Faith talked you into showing after all?" Connor asked. 

 

"Actually I came for business reasons" Spike said with a sigh. "God how I hate politics" 

 

Dawn was too busy trying to calm herself to pay them any attention. 

 

"Oh you haven't met my girlfriend. Spike this is Dawn Forrester. Dawn this is the grandchilde of my father Spike." Connor told her.

 

She turned and faced him. 

 

"It's nice to meet you" she said politely acting as if she didn't know him at all. 

 

Spike's eyes were narrowed as he looked at her. She saw his nose flare and then the gaze turned speculative. 

 

"Beat it junior I want a dance with your girl. And a small talk" Spike told him. 

 

Connor looked at her and she shrugged. She didn't care. Or at least that's what she was trying to make him think. Inside she was screaming no and trying desperately not to run. 

 

So Connor left and they danced. To her surprise Spike didn't really grill her or demand anything. He made small talk. A shock she'd never thought she'd have. Spike making small talk. 

 

He asked about her life. Wanted to know about the things she liked to do. And when the song ended, he just led her back to Connor and walked away. And for the rest of the night she felt as if he was watching her. Wondering about her but whenever she looked he was always busy with someone and not even looking in her direction. 

 

*end Flashback* 

 

"How did you know?" Dawn asked needing to know. 

 

"You still like most of the same things and express it the same way. Also you still smell the same. Your scent hasn't changed all minty and green" Spike told her. 

 

Dawn just looked at him in surprise. 

 

"I'll always know you Dawn no matter how you look. You're the little sister I've never had. The connection hasn't faded even after all this time" Spike told her. 

 

"I guess it hasn't" Dawn told him and resumed walking toward her place. 

 

"Why didn't you tell Angel" Dawn asked. 

 

"Why would I tell the poof? You obviously don't want them to know or you'd have said something. Plus I have the feeling it has a lot to do with keeping big sis hidden" Spike told her. 

 

"It does. Annie doesn't want anything to do with L.A. or the old gang. She doesn't even step a foot on California soil." Dawn told her. 

 

"Figured it was something like that. Peaches really screwed that one up but real good." Spike told her 

 

"Can you blame her? So why let me know you know now? Why not then?" Dawn asked 

 

"Well I figure with you marrying junior and all it was coming to a close now. Your secrets coming out now so I figured its time I went and got the whole story myself before it all hit the fan" Spike told her.

 

"Makes sense" Dawn said grinning 

 

"So what's the story?" Spike asked 

 

Dawn stopped walking again. 

 

"How much time do you have?" Dawn asked 

 

"Well it's about nine hours from sunrise so about nine hours" Spike told her. 

 

"Okay there's a 24 hour coffee bar by my building we'll go there and I'll tell you the whole story." Dawn said and led the way. 

 

*** 

 

I feel, like you don't want me around 

I guess I'll pack all my things, I guess I'll see you around 

Its all, been bottled up until now 

As I walk out your door, all I can hear is the sound 

Always... always... always... always... always... always... 

I just can't live without you 

 

Cordelia hated it here. She hated them all. Hated how it had all gone down. Especially since she had lived for so long in the shadow or Buffy. She knew they didn't want her here. That they just tolerated her because of old loyalties. Because of the memory of a girl that no longer existed. The old Cordelia was dead and buried. Worn away by the bitterness and hate that had consumed her. And she didn't care. She'd gone too far to go back. She'd loved Angel and he'd never loved her. Could never love her. Not with the memory of little miss perfect hovering over them. But she hadn't been perfect. And no matter what Cordy did no one else could see it or if they did they pretended it wasn't so. 

 

Well it was time to finish it all once and for all. She packed her bag and pulled out the gun. She loaded it and stuck it in the back of her pants. She put on the coat and walked out. 

 

She knew it was getting to the point where even the memories of who she had once been wouldn't protect her. She'd pushed it for far too long. So if she was going to go she was going to go with a bang. 

 

As she walked she thought of Connor. Once upon a time she'd dreamed of being a happy little family with Angel and Connor. She'd loved that baby and had wanted desperately to be its mom. And for a brief period she had. Connor had accepted her. He'd looked up to her and loved her. But she'd ruined it all. Like everything else she'd ripped it away from her. That night when Buffy had come to L.A. to see Angel, when she'd come to try and steal him away, Cordy hadn't known Connor was there and heard their exchange. 

 

She didn't know he'd gone looking for her to learn more. And then he'd come back and he'd never looked at her the same. Finally she'd asked him what was going on. 

 

He'd just looked at her and said he'd never known how selfish she was. Or how petty. And as his relationship with Angel's strengthened theirs had withered and died. And for that she would always hate Buffy for stealing her son from her. 

 

Well fine she didn't need any of them. They wanted to hate her she'd give them something to really hate her for. She had it all set up. She slid into the apartment and waited. 

 

I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you 

I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you 

I just can't take anymore, this lack of solitude 

I guess that I'm out the door and now I'm done with you 

I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you 

 

Dawn watched Spike fade into the night before she turned and entered her building. She was so tired. This week had been hell. She yawned and got out her keys as she got to her door. 

 

She was planning to take a lice long hot bath and then sleep for at least ten hours. She hadn't even finished closing the door when she realized something was off. She whirled knife already slashing when she felt something puncture her chest. She looked at her attacker her vision already going hazy. She got the satisfaction of seeing Cordelia's slashed face bleeding. Her legs buckled and her hand went to her chest. She pulled out the dart and then it all went dark. 

 

Always... always... always... always... 

Song is always by Saliva


	8. part 9 - Epiphany

Your words to me just a whisper 

Your faces so unclear 

I try to pay attention 

Your words just disappear 

 

Annie got dressed slowly. She'd taken to showing Anita a few moves on her day off after noticing how she lacked a good physical defense. She had originally done it mainly to get information out of her. 

 

She had wanted to know all about the bond that made her a vampire servant. It had been surprisingly easy to get Anita to vent about it. Apparently she wasn't happy about how it all worked and with what she learned she was able to control the dreams now. So it was a win-win situation for them both even though Anita had no clue she was sorta being used. 

 

Course she hadn't counted on the two of them getting buddy-buddy. It was kinda weird Anita wasn't someone she had ever seen herself becoming friends with. She had an attitude problem and was confrontational. She was also really trigger happy. And yet despite her not wanting any friends Anita had become one. 

 

Annie was still baffled about how it had come to be but now she just shrugged it off. She'd also been dieing of curiosity about Jean-Claude. She'd heard all about him but had yet to meet the vamp. So during their training Anita asked about her work and she told her not to worry because she didn't accept contracts on people she knew. 

 

She's seen Anita absorb that information and the gleam in her eyes that said she was plotting. And then a few days later she'd come back with an invitation to dinner with the master of the city and his right hand man. She'd accepted and then laughed at how easy it had been. 

 

While she was friends with Anita she also knew Anita didn't trust her at all. Anita didn't like the way she was able to mask her coldness with what looked like real warmth and feelings. It gave her the wiggins. 

 

How do you trust someone who can completely mask their emotions or lack thereof with other emotions. Also you couldn't even smell what she was really feeling. Or at least that was what Richard had told Anita. 

 

So Anne agreed to the dinner and then went off on a job. She was back three days later and slept for like a whole day to make up the sleep she'd missed while gone. 

 

The dreams were back haunting her with the overwhelming emotions. Emotions she wouldn't allow herself to feel anymore. So she took control of them and had her say. She woke with a smile as she felt his shock through the link. 

 

**** 

 

'Cause its always raining in my head 

Forget all the thing's I should have said 

 

Anne went shopping the next day. She had gone through her closet and found absolutely nothing to wear to the dinner. It'd been a while since she'd gone to a formal event that hadn't involved her killing someone. And most of those clothes usually ended up having to be disposed of. So she went on a trip of shopping for clothes. 

 

As she shopped she wondered what Dawn was up to. She'd missed her last two phone calls and when she did call she'd been very evasive lately whenever they talked on the phone. She knew Dawn was hiding something and Anne just hoped it wasn't anything serious. Course the last time she'd been acting like this it was because she was dating Connor and didn't want to hurt her by letting her know. 

 

So unless it was something bigger than that she wouldn't worry. Eventually Dawn would let her know what it was that was troubling her. She would just wait her out. 

 

She meant to just buy one dress but ended up buying four. Mainly because it was something she rarely wore. It was blood red with a corset top and long skirt. It reminded her of Willow and Tara...not the color but the dress type. It was surprisingly comfortable and easy to move in. The others were just dresses she could use in the future. 

 

She paid and then maneuvered her way to her car. She had just put the things in her trunk and closed it when she felt the person creeping up behind her. She whirled quickly and before the person knew what was going on she had her hand around his throat and he had been slammed up against the car next to her. 

 

"Whoa Anne it's just me" Jason croaked out. 

 

She let him go and felt stupid. 

 

"You shouldn't sneak up on me" She told him shortly. 

 

"I was just coming to say hi. Guess Nathaniel was right I should have called out or something" Jason said 

 

She looked behind him and saw Nathaniel watching from a safe distance away looking somehow both amused and wary. She never could understand how Nathaniel had allowed himself to get so broken. 

 

"Hi Nathaniel its okay you can come closer I won't hurt you" Anne told him soothingly. Then she turned back to Jason. 

 

"So what are you two doing here?" Anne asked 

 

"Seeing as this is a mall I'm going to go with shopping" Jason said eyes dancing. 

 

"Doofus" Anne said and whacked him on the head. 

 

"We need school supplies" Nathaniel said shyly. 

 

Anne blinked then blinked again. 

 

"School?" she said blankly "I didn't know you two were going to school." 

 

"We're starting in the summer session. Anita finally won the argument with Jean-Claude. And Nathaniel tagging along" Jason told her rolling his eyes. 

 

"Anita thinks it'll help me be more independent" Nathaniel said softly. 

 

Anne felt the urge to reach out and pet his head but pushed it back. 

 

"This is great news. Jason can finally get some sort of ambition in his life" Anne teased. 

 

Jason pulled an offended face. 

 

"Hey I have ambition. You just haven't agreed to be mine yet" Jason said with a dramatic sigh and overly done look. 

 

"Keep dreaming puppy" Anne said with a laugh. 

 

Jason just smirked back and gave a just wait look. 

 

Nathaniel just watched his eyes showing his amusement. 

 

"So how 'bout I buy you two lunch to celebrate the fact that you've decided to go back to school" Anne told them. 

 

"We should go back to school more often" Jason said to Nathaniel as they headed back in to the Olive Garden right next to the mall. 

 

"Hmm don't count on it" Anne told him giving his arm a whack. Hmm the day was shaping up nicely. 

 

**** 

 

So I speak to you in riddles because 

My words get in my way. I smoke the 

whole thing to my head and feel it 

wash away 'cause i don't take anymore 

or this, I want to come apart. 

or dig myself a little hole inside 

your precious heart 

 

Anne decided to wear the corset dress and then carefully applied her make-up. She was fiddling with her hair when Anita arrived. 

 

"You're not ready?" Anita asked incredulous. 

 

"I happen to take time and care with my appearance" Anne told her and then looked Anita up and down. 

 

"Unlike you" she added and felt like Cordelia. 

 

Anita bristled "What's wrong with how I look" she demanded. 

 

"Not much the dress and make-up are perfect but your hair..." Anne trailed off. 

 

"What about my hair" Anita demanded. 

 

"You could do so much more with it. Here sit here" Anne said and shoved her down in the chair. She went for her hair pins and hair styling products. 

 

"We're going to be late" Anita said eyeing the products warily and trying to get up. 

 

Anne held her down. 

 

"So we'll be late it'll be worth it. You'll see" Anne told her and got to work. 

 

**** 

 

'Cause its always raining in my head 

Forget all the things I should have said 

 

15 mins later they were leaving Anne's house and headed for the restraint. At every light Anita kept glancing at her hair. For the most part it was all pinned up except for the wispy little curls Anne had left down. 

 

It looked nice she was loathed to admit but she felt so naked without her hair covering her throat. Without it covering her scars. She'd forced Anne to give her a scarf to cover them. Luckily Anne had one that matched her dresses color and was silky. She'd have asked why she had so many scarves but figured she really didn't want to know. 

 

On the drive there nita lectured her on appropriate behavior and what to expect. She also warned her about temper flaring as Jean-Claude tended to be an arrogant SOB. Anne lifted an eyebrow at that. She sensed a story there but let it go. 

 

She suddenly felt a shiver run down her back. Anita was parking and Anne looked all around. She was feeling something she hadn't felt in years. She rubbed her arms and shrugged it off. It couldn't be what she thought it was. Not now after all these years. 

 

She followed Anita in and absentmindedly as she wove them through the tables. She absently noted all the exits and possible escape routes. The feeling was getting stronger now almost overwhelming. She focused realizing they'd stopped. She glanced at the table's occupants. 

 

A very gorgeous vamp with dark hair and intense blue eyes and the other one wasn't far off with his gold (actually gold) hair flowing like a curtain covering scars that should have taken away from his beauty but didn't. And then suddenly I heard Anita go "Jean-Claude, Asher this is Annie" And that's when it happened. The brunette girl next to the blonde vamp looked up and she realized who she'd been feeling. She lost all color and took a step back. 

 

It was Faith. She wore nice clothes and had toned down the make-up. Her eyes showed the wear of the years along with the lonliness. But it was Faith. Her sister slayer, a connection that could never be broken. And someone she wasn't sure how to react to. 

 

"B" Faith said and I could tell she was in shock. 

 

"Oh my god! Faith?" Anne said before turning and running out. 

 

She couldn't handle it. No they weren't suppose to come here. They weren't suppose to show up and ruin her life when she was starting to really rebuild and live it. 

 

"B wait" Faith called when we were in the parking lot and I stopped and turned around. 

 

"What are you doing in St. Louis Faith" Anne asked angry now. How dare they come turn her world upside down. 

 

"Business. Is this where you've been hiding out all these years? Do you know what Angel's been going through? It's been 5 fucking years B! Five!" Faith told her 

 

"I wasn't always here" Anne admitted. 

 

They stood in the dark facing each other and ignoring the others who had come out after them. 

 

Faith was looking at her in disbelief. And Anne let her eyes go cold and show the fact that she was emotionless. 

 

"Jeez B what have you done to yourself" Faith asked 

 

Anne smile and it wasn't nice. 

 

"What Faith, don't like what big sis has become what you once tried to mold me to. Isn't that to bad" Anne told her coldly. 

 

"God when Angel finds out" Faith started but didn't finish. Anne had moved faster than the eye could see and had Faith by the throat. 

 

"Angel doesn't find out. Do you hear me you are not telling him where I am" Anne hissed. 

 

"He already knows. I know and that means I have to tell him" Faith told her. 

 

Anne's grip tightened but Faith just reached up and pushed her back. 

 

"Jeez B your a lot more violent aren't you" Faith said rubbing her neck. 

 

"Fuck you" Anne said 

 

"Wait a minute. You're going by the name Anne Forrester. Shit lil sis is Dawn. Dawn as in Connor's girlfriend. Jeez she's dating Angel's son" Faith said in shock as it all came together for her. 

 

"Old news" Anne said with a yawn. 

 

"I'm amazed you're not blowing a gasket with all the history between you and Angel" Faith said 

 

"You done rambling yet" Anne asked coolly. 

 

"Jeez when did you become uber bitch" Faith asked annoyed. 

 

"This is how I always am when it comes to you" Anne told her eyes flashing. 

 

"Oh don't tell me your still holding on to all that old shit" Faith asked rolling her eyes. 

 

"That "old shit" involves the numerous occasions you tried to kill me. You're the only person alive who's tried to kill me I've let live. Its one of those things you don't forget" Anne said dryly. 

 

"That's not true you let Angel and Spike live and they both tried to kill you more than I did" Faith protested. 

 

"Okay Spike wasn't my friend when he was trying to kill me. He didn't pretend to be my friend, my *sister* and then stab me in the back. You did. Besides he was really pathetic with his attempt." Anne told her coldly. 

 

"Jeez get over it I was like what 15 or something. Excuse me for having a minor break down. And Angel was a walk in the park. He was your boyfriend" Faith shot back 

 

"Am I okay with him? No I haven't spoken to him in 5 years and before that it was 2 years of not speaking because he helped you. By the way I never asked, how did you like prison? Was it as horrible as I hoped it would be." Anne asked. 

 

Faith frowned "It was really easy though I was stir crazy. Not many people fucked with me after I put a few in the other inmates in the infirmary. Solitary was a bitch though" she said 

 

"Damn oh well" Anne sighed 

 

Faith smiled 

 

"Okay let's close this once and for all." Faith said with a sigh. 

 

"And how do you propose we do that" Anne asked eyebrow raised. 

 

"The way we fix everything. A knock out, drag out, bloody fight. We beat the shit out of each other and let it go" Faith said dryly. 

 

"I'm game" Anne said with a grin that Faith returned. 

 

And then they both moved in a blur exchanging blows. It was a beautiful dance. A deadly dance because you could see neither was holding anything back. And the result was you could see the strengths they'd hidden. 

 

Anne threw Faith into the wall hard and Faith just launched herself back into the fight but you could see the cracks in the wall from the throw. 

 

Faith got the upper hand for a while backing Anne up but then Anne turned the tables on Faith and held a knife to her throat. 

 

"Can you do it B? You couldn't then can you now?" Faith asked 

 

The hand on the knife tightened and the pressure increased causing a trickle of blood to escape the nick Anne made. 

 

"You can't can you. Too much of the old you is still around in there isn't she B" Faith asked 

 

"Don't tell him I'm here Faith" Anne said steadily. 

 

"If he doesn't find out from me he'll find out from someone else" Faith told her. 

 

"Then let him find out from somewhere else" Anne said evenly. 

 

"And when he finds out I knew and didn't tell him. Sorry B but I value my life you know" Faith said. 

 

"He won't do anything to you" Anne said with a derisive snort. 

 

Faith looked at her steadily. 

 

"Can you be sure B it has been 5 years" Faith told her. 

 

"Okay I amend that. He won't do anything permanent" Anne told her Faith just looked at her annoyed. 

 

"Don't tell him I'm here. Do it for me...for what we once were." Anne asked Anne didn't wait for a reply she just left fading into the night. 

 

Faith wiped the blood from her mouth and pulled out her cell phone. She pushed the speed dial let it ring twice and then hung up with a sigh. She started to put it back up when it rang back. Startled she answered. 

 

"Hello! Oh hey Angel. Naw I was just calling to see how things were in L.A,. but then I figured it was too early there so I hung up" Faith said eyes shuddered as she looked off into the distance. She let Angel tell her how things in LA were while she cursed herself for not telling him the truth. Once she hung up she kicked the wall. 

 

"Fuck me" she hissed and accidentally crushed her cell phone into itty bitty pieces. 

 

"Damn it there goes another phone" she kicked the wall again and then she turned and turned to enter the restaurant again but stopped short at the two vamp and Anita. 

 

"Well fuck me" she said wondering how she was going to explain this. 

 

**** 

 

I am nothing more than a little boy inside 

That cries out for attention 

though I always try to hide 

'Cause I talk to you like children, 

Though I don't know how I feel 

But I know I'll do the right thing 

If the right thing is revealed 

 

Anne started to pack as soon as she entered her bedroom. After all these years she was finally found. She didn't think Faith would tell Angel but just to be safe she was going to have to move. She had finished a bag when she stopped. 

 

No damn it she wasn't going to run. She had made her life here. She liked it here. She was happy and they weren't going to ruin that for her. She was standing her ground here and now. No more running. 

 

She had halfway unpacked her bag when she saw the light blinking on her machine. She went to push play expecting to hear Dawn. She'd missed her usual call the day before and also hadn't called today. Probably working on some last minute detail for her graduation. 

 

But it wasn't Dawn. 

 

"Umm...Anne. This is Connor, Dawn's boyfriend. I think something's happened to Dawn. Her door was open and her coffee table was knocked over. I'm trying to find her already but I thought you should know in case....."Connor's voice hitched here and she could tell he was frantic. 

 

"Just come I think this is serious and only you can find her" Connor said and the message ended. 

 

Anne stood there in shock. It couldn't be. Dawn was second only to her and Faith at protecting herself. She didn't even hesitate she immediately repacked the bag along with an extra one for her weapons. 

 

She was half-way out the door as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Edward. 

 

"We've got a situation" she said as he answered. 

 

Not for anything in heaven or hell had she sworn to return to LA. Never again had she planned to ever go back there but for Dawn she would go. For her little sister the one thing she still had of her old life would she dive back into the insanity. For Dawn she would break that vow. 

 

'Cause its always raining in my head 

Forget all the things I should have said 

 

Song is Staind "Epiphany"


	9. part 10 - Vindicated

_So clear_

_Like the diamond in your ring_

_Cut to mirror your intention_

_Oversized and overwhelmed_

_The shine of which has caught my eye_

 

 

Faith had taken off after her confrontation with B because she had wanted to calm down before she dealt with the Asher and Jean-Claude. She wasn't stupid she knew they'd seen the whole thing and while she wanted to come clean with Asher she didn't want Jean-Claude knowing anything he could use against her. So she was going to have to fudge some details and she needed to be in control of her emotions so that they would not sense the dishonesty in some of her explanations.

 

Now it was time to go back. She was annoyed because in her old world she would have gone demon hunting and worked out all her tension but here demons were all but obsolete. Few had crossed over during the dimension merging. Lorne had and so had Spike's skin drooping friend Clay or whatever his name is. Annoying PTB demons had also crossed like that Whistler guy who was always dropping in to talk to Angel with cryptic messages and bad fashion sense. For tonight she had settled for a very underground shifter and vampire fighting club. It wasn't to the death but everything else pretty much went. It was very intense because they could take alot of damage but even then she had to hold back.

 

Much looser and definitely calmer she headed back to the Circus and headed in. She was able to slip into her rooms and quickly jumped into the shower to wash away the blood and sweat.

 

It was dawn already and she knew Asher and Jean-Claude had already retreated to their coffins. God she’d never get used to that. Coffins for god’s sake… it was weird to know they had to sleep during the day. Angel and Spike were still up and about no matter what time of day. A perk of being from another reality. Of course their line was the only one known for being able to do so and it wasn’t advertised so if you didn’t already know you didn’t have a chance of finding out.

 

She laid down but sleep would not come. Something wasn’t right. She stretched out her senses and then got up and followed. She walked deeper and deeper into the circus underground until she reached a door. She hesitated for a moment and then pushed the door and went in.

 

The room had coffins in it. She walked in deeper pulled by her feeling and stopped by a coffin. Somehow she knew Asher was in there and somehow she also knew he was not resting peacefully. She placed a hand on the smooth surface and whispered “shh sleep I’m here” After a few moments the feelings calmed and she walked off to her room. She fell asleep easily.

 

* * * 

 

_And rendered me so isolated, so motivated_

_I am certain now that I am..._

 

Annie walked off the plane in L.A. and was met by Edward. His face impassive and his eyes burned coldly. Edward was pissed at whoever had dared try and grab Dawn. Annie had never understood what it was about Dawn that made people want to protect her even when they were supposed to be cold-blooded killers.

 

Maybe it was some extra protection the monks had woven in when they made her so that she would call to her strong and able protectors. She’d had Spike wrapped around her finger when he hadn’t had a soul and it hadn’t had anything to do with her. She could admit it now. She hadn’t missed this. The fear that had gripped her every time something happened to Dawn. The fear that clutched her heart and clenched her stomach whenever Dawn was kidnapped.

 

She hadn’t felt this way since Sunnydale. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. Having emotions had almost killed her last time before she learned to shut them off and filter. It hurt too much to feel so she made herself stop but she hadn’t ever really stopped just repressed and now it was flooding through the gates. And she was so mad. Someone had dared to grab her sister and she was going to make them pay. They had taken Dawn and forced her back into L.A. to confront old demons and have all her emotions fighting to break free.

 

Annie slung her bag over her shoulder eyes flat and cold and met Edward. Together they walked out death hovering in the air around them. Yes someone was going to pay.

 

* * * *

_Vindicated_

_I am selfish_

_I am wrong_

_I am right_

_I swear I'm right_

_Swear I knew it all along_

 

Cordelia had tied her up in a chair. For a moment she flashed back to sophomore year when Marcy kidnapped her but she quickly pushed that from her mind. Just as she pushed back any doubts that occurred to her. She was right to do this.

 

They had ruined her life and they would all pay for it. She would start with this girl that reminded her of the woman responsible for ruining her life. Stealing the man she loved and then later on the son she’d raised as her own. Never mind that he had never really been hers it was still all Buffy’s fault. It always had been.

 

And then Connor had to go and fall for a Buffy clone. It made her see red. What was so great about Buffy anyways? She’d always been whining and when she wasn’t doing that she was being an arrogant stuck up bitch that thought she was better than everyone else. 

 

Cordelia fought all the parts deep down that rebelled over what she was doing. The part buried deep down that was the old Cordelia. The Cordelia who had lacked tact and was painfully blunt but had deep down inside cared and done the right thing. The Cordelia who was long since dead.

 

_Ghosts and shadows of the past._

 

She sharpened her knife and turned back to the tied up girl. She would have her revenge and without another thought to the past plunged her knife into the girl’s shoulder bringing her back to consciousness with pain.

 

Before the girl could do more than gasp she twisted the knife. As she looked into the girls blue eyes she saw another girl’s eyes.

 

A girl with hazel-green eyes who’d stolen everything from her. Who from the moment she’d entered Cordelia’s life had shoved her into the background. And she rejoiced in finally causing her to feel the pain that Cordelia herself had suffered through.

 

And as the girl began to struggle and fight the shell that had once been Cordelia began to laugh and the insanity that had hidden within showed clearly.

 

Cordelia was dead and had been for a very long time.

 

* * *

 

_And I am flawed_

_But I am cleaning up so well_

 

Faith didn’t know why she suddenly woke up but knew that something was wrong. The slayer bond had grown stronger over the years and for once she was feeling lots of emotions coming through. Buffy had been repressing for years so why was she suddenly pouring so much out. Something wasn’t right. She could feel rage and a good amount of fear. Worry for someone else. It made her head hurt and she tried to filter more out. It also felt far away that wasn’t right. Buffy was in St. Louis with her. She rolled out of bed and snagged the first puppy she could grab.

 

“Yo Jason you know Buf – I mean Annie” Faith asked stopping him.

 

“Umm yeah if you know Anita you pretty much met her. They hang out a lot.” Jason said

 

“Got her phone number?” Faith asked.

 

Jason stopped and pursed his lips. He wasn’t sure he should give it to her and Faith could tell.

 

“You won’t get in trouble. Trust me even if Annie gets pissed off I won’t tell her you gave it to me. She won’t mind though me and her go way back. You can ask Anita later if you don’t believe me.” Faith told him

 

“How far back” Jason asked curious.

 

“She’s my sister” Faith admitted and she wasn’t lying they weren’t sisters by blood but in every other way they were. Right down to the jealousy and boyfriend stealing.

 

“Oh” Jason said and since he didn’t sense any lies he rattled off the number, which she quickly memorized.

 

She smiled her thanks and went back to her room. She searched for her cell phone for about 10 minutes before remembering she’d broken it the night before and had yet to replace it. She went to the side phone and dialed out. It rang for what seemed forever then all she got was the machine. 

 

She waited a half hour and then tried again but still no answer. Something wasn’t right. She looked at the time and realized it was almost time for the vamps to wake up. She knew JC would summon her so she decided to shower and dress. She had to be in control to get through this. 

 

In her head she was already putting her story together. As she stepped out of the shower she looked in the steamed mirror and noticed the gashes and bruises had all but faded away. Her healing had gotten a lot faster over the years just one of the perks of super advanced slayer healing. She sighed and headed into her room to change. Asher was sitting on the bed.

 

"Hey I was just going to go look for you" she said feeling awkward under his piercing gaze.

 

"Were you?" he asked softly his gaze never wavering.

 

"Yeah I figured you'd want to know what that was all about" Faith told him shifting her stance a bit.

 

"You figured right but I'm not the only one. Jean-Claude and Anita are waiting for us." Asher told her.

 

She let out a sigh and got a resigned look on her face.

 

"Lead the way" she said and Asher gave her a look.

 

"You might want to dress first." Asher told her.

 

She looked down at herself in surprise and then flushed. She was so comfortable in his presence she hadn't even realized she hadn't changed yet. She threw on a tank top and leather pants. She had assumed they were going to Jean-Claude's office but instead he led her to the private rooms section.

 

Faith strolled into the room as if she didn't have a care in the world. Jean-Claude was sitting in a high backed chair and Anita stood by him with a very uncommon thoughtful look on her face. Faith out of habit noted all the exits and entrances. 

 

She had expected Asher to go stand by JC but he stayed beside her. She would have shot him a surprised look but caught the look on JC’s face and realized he had expected the same and was thrown as well. She looked towards Anita who was still thoughtful but a bit of amusement was there. 

 

She wasn’t sure what she felt Asher was standing by her and without even knowing the whole story he was already on her side. It was humbling to know he felt that deeply for her.

 

She had always been the outsider of every group. The problem child with more issues than the whole group combined. Faith was the one whose flaws had always shown so clearly. 

 

But Asher was different he didn’t see those flaws. She didn’t know what he saw in her but whatever it was he obviously liked it.

 

It was a strange moment when Richard came in and stood with Jean-Claude and Anita. Richard was never around not unless he had business with Jean-Claude or came for one of his puppies.

 

She’d only seen him a handful of times. He looked a bit annoyed to be here and didn’t look worried so she figured he had a date with Anita and had to wait till after this, which caused the annoyance.

 

“I believe you’ve been keeping secrets” Jean-Claude began.

 

Faith couldn’t help but smile at that.

 

“Doesn’t everyone” she murmured knowing they’d all hear that but looking at him meaningfully.

 

If vampires could flush she was sure JC would be pink. Anita was giving him a death glare and Richard was also looking at him startled. Someone was leaking and she’d bet anything it was Anita. The woman didn’t seem too in control of her emotions. Maybe she shouldn’t have told her. She was trying to think over the ramifications.

 

“Anne knows you. You called her your sister even if you used a different name.” Anita said looking at her.

 

“She is my sister.” Faith said then sighed “I haven’t seen her in about 5 years. She just took off with Dawn. We looked for a while then I decided to just let her be and respected that. Angel is still religious in his search for her. He picks up a trail and runs with it until it dies down. That confrontation will be very ugly.”

 

“You do not smell related” Richard stated.

 

“Adopted” Faith countered “I was about 16 almost 17 when her mom took me in. We either got along like sisters or fought like enemies. Despite it we are family.”

 

The door opened and Jason stuck a head in warily.

 

“The master of Sunnydale is on the phone asking to speak with Faith he says it’s urgent” Jason said holding the cordless in his hands.

 

Faith’s insides clenched and she knew.

 

Before anyone could object she had taken the phone.

 

“What do you want?” she asked hiding her fear in anger but she knew they smelled it.

 

“WHY THE BLOODY HELL DON’T YOU HAVE YOUR BLODDY PHONE ON! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU FOR HOURS” Spike ranted a bit more but she’d pulled the phone away wincing at the first word.

 

She knew everyone had heard him.

 

“Fucking shit chill I broke it now what the fuck do you want” Faith said stomach clenched tight.

 

“The bits gone, taken her apartment showed a struggle. Connor’s going nuts. He’s out combing the city as we speak and has since last night when she disappeared. He called Buffy she’s on her way.” Spike said all discretion gone.

 

“No she’s already there I’ve felt it all day. This is bad. Book me the first flight out…. No wait is Fred there cause I need a portal a flight is just too long and by then who knows what will happen. Buffy is going to kill him if he doesn’t kill her first. Oh damn it blood is so hard to get out of the carpet and don’t get me started on the dry cleaning bills.” Faith told him.

 

“Maybe they won’t sense each other or run into each other” Spike said hopeful.

 

“Don’t be naïve he already knows she’s there. If he wasn’t out looking for Dawn he’d have already tracked her down. He doesn’t have any chainsaws handy does he? Hide them before he gets back with whoever nabbed Dawn I don’t feel like spending months getting the stains out. And hide your railroad spikes while you’re at it he’ll probably go for them in absence of the chainsaw.” Faith told him.

 

“With that in mind we’ll have to hide all sharp objects” Spike told her.

 

Faith sighed in frustration

 

“Angel did always excel at torture let’s hope he does a clean kill this time though doubtful considering who they nabbed. Give me 10 to pack a bag and then have Fred pop in. You go and try to calm Angelus back into Angel. Don’t antagonize him and if he runs into Buffy before I get there for god’s sake don’t let them kill each other” Faith said and hung up.

 

She turned back to the varying expressions of horror (Richard), interest (JC), and disgust (Anita). She had forgotten they were there again. 

 

“I’ll be back but I’ve not sure when” Faith told them.

 

“The deal-“ JC started but Faith cut him off.

 

“There is no deal if the bride is dead. Dawn is missing and right now they’re searching the city for her. Buffy has gone to L.A. and its more than likely that once Dawnie is safe Angel and Buffy will turn on each other like rabid dogs so I kinda have to be there make sure they stay alive” Faith told him.

 

“Buffy?” Richard questioned.

 

“Buffy Anne Summers known to you as Anne Forrester” Faith told him.

 

“Her name used to be Buffy? I’d have changed it too.” Anita said dryly.

 

Faith turned to leave and Asher suddenly said “I’m going with you”

 

Faith whirled around and looked at him wide eyed. Pandemonium broke out. Jean-Claude was arguing against it and Richard was asking if that was wise given the circumstances and the mood the Master of L.A was in. Anita was yelling at Jean-Claude that with all he’d done already he shouldn’t interfere anymore.

 

“Would you deny me this?” Asher asked looking right at Jean-Claude.

 

JC shook his head.

 

“No I won’t deny you but you do not have permission to enter. Without warning to enter the city could be interpreted in a hostile way especially at the moment” Jean-Claude said

 

“I won’t let her go alone.” Asher said

 

Faith looked at Asher in amazement. No one had ever worried about her like that. Well Angel didn’t count because he worried about her like a super overprotective brother. Asher worried about her like a lover. Most of her old lovers hadn’t even stuck around or if they had treated her like crap. Spike had known she was a slayer and could take care of herself but hadn’t cared about her emotions or worried at all.

 

“You can come just stick with me and they’ll leave you alone” Faith said then left to grab her bag. She quickly stuff in a couple of outfits and a few weapons she’d smuggled in to St. Louis. She met up with Asher halfway back to the meeting room.

 

No sooner had they stepped in when the portal swirled into life in a blue-violet tear.

 

“Faith” Fred called stepping through. Her hair was all mussed, glasses askew and looked as if she’d spent the night sleepless.

 

“Fred how bad is it?” Faith asked slinging her bag over her shoulder.

 

“Bad. Combine how he reacted when Connor was kidnapped, when he thought Buffy died, and when he went Angelus and you’ve got how he is now. Gunn’s with him now and Spike went out to catch up. Connor’s searching alone,” Fred told her.

 

“Shit.” Faith cursed.

 

“He knows she’s there. I was with him when he felt her come into the city. He’s pissed but relieved and happy that she’s back. If Dawn wasn’t missing he’d have gone hunting for her.” Fred told her.

 

“Its because Dawn is missing that she went back” Faith said simply.

 

Fred’s eyes widened at the implications.

 

“This is Asher he’s coming with us. Keep your trigger happy husband away from him because I like him alive…. Well undead whatever” Faith said.

 

Fred barely spared him a glance.

 

“Gunn will behave. Lets go I can’t hold the portal much longer” Fred said and went back through it.

 

“You may feel a bit dizzy after we get there so be prepared” Faith warned and went through.

 

Asher looked at the portal apprehensively and then went through. After he stepped through on the other side his head spun a bit and the portal popped out of existence behind him.

 

* * * * *

_I am seeing in me now_

_the things you swore you saw yourself_

 

Faith was struggling to not think as she raced through the streets of L.A. with Asher and Spike of all people. 

 

Her current beau and her ex and she was thankful that they were to busy combing the city for them to have it out. She tried to ignore the underlying tension between the three of them.

 

Spike had lost Angel or as he put it

 

“The bloody pouf knocked me out said I was slowing him down” Spike had said outraged. “what he meant was he was going track down whoever took the bit, kill them , and then go looking for big sis”

 

Faith hadn’t doubted it either. When it came to Buffy, Angel had tunnel vision.

 

As they searched she prayed they would get there before Buffy ran into Angel or vice versa.

 

She also marveled at how well Asher was taking this situation. He’d gotten Spike to back off with a look when he’d made a beeline for her to question her on Asher.

 

She could tell by the grin Spike had gotten that he’d gotten the message loud and clear and that he knew she was off limits now. 

 

Spike also had that smug I-know-something-you-don’t look on his face that made her want to smack it off.

 

After they’d done the male ego thing they’d exchanged nods without saying a word as if coming to some sort of understanding.

 

She was not happy with this at all.

 

Asher looked over at her and smiled. Faith caught her breath, he was breathtaking. 

 

And with that one look Faith understood. He loved her and lord help her she loved him back.

 

Somehow along the way she’d fallen in love with him.

 

She pushed that to the back of her mind she’d deal with it later.

 

“This way I smell fresh blood. Lots of it” Spike said going faster.

 

Spike led them to a warehouse and they slowly sneaked in.

 

She stopped abruptly as she caught sight of Buffy her clothes were drenched in blood and she was holding Cordelia’s head.

 

A blonde man who also had blood on him was untying a not so steady looking Dawn who had a lot of wounds from what Faith could see.

 

Those two obviously got to Cordelia first. Faith’s mind was boggling. Cordelia of all people.

 

Okay so she was an uberbitch but she’d never thought of her as a kidnapper. Or torturer as was obvious from the condition lil sis was in.

 

Then a blur went by her and she realized it was Connor as he stopped abruptly by the man who was cradling Dawn in his arms and pointing a gun at him to keep him away.

 

As Angel came in slowly Faith groaned silently. So much for hoping they wouldn’t run into each other.

 

* * * * *

_So, turn up the corners of your lips_

_Part them and feel my finger tips_

_Trace the moment, fall forever_

 

10 minutes earlier

 

Buffy had followed Edward on the search before stopping abruptly. She felt like a moron. She had wasted so much time.

 

She touched her necklace which Dawn had made her and closed her eyes. She reached out with her senses to track down her sister. 

 

The necklace was the anchor for her search. Dawn had made it for this reason. If something happened to her Dawn could find her. If something happened to Dawn she could find her.

 

She’d been running on fear and panic for her sister’s safety she’d forgotten about it.

 

“This way” She said eyes snapping open and heading in the way she sensed Dawn.

 

Edward followed without a word but as they reached the warehouse his eyes turned colder than she’d seen them in a long while. They both took out their weapons and sneaked in.

 

Buffy saw red as she saw the state her sister was in. And it boiled over when she saw that it was Cordelia standing over her with the knife.

 

She moved fast… supernaturally fast and knew she would be answering to Edward later.

 

She couldn’t find it in her to care. She yanked Cordelia away from Dawn and threw her back. Cordelia hit the ground stunned but quickly scrambled back up.

 

“Buffy” Cordelia hissed hatefully as she realized who it was that had stopped her from making the killing blow.

 

She got up and swiped at her with the knife but missed as Buffy sidestepped.

 

She lunged forward again but never made it as she got shot from behind. The bullet used was one of Edward’s special made one that took out half her chest. Blood splattered all over her and Edward who was right behind Cordelia.

 

Buffy had pulled her sword seconds after the shot and removed Cordelia’s head.

 

Obviously Edward was still two seconds ahead of her in the killing department. They shared a look and Edward went over to untie Dawn.

 

Buffy bent to pick up Cordelia’s head. She ignored Faith, Asher and Spike as they came in.

 

She just closed her eyes and dealt with the first plain human life she’d taken. And while she was Buffy and not her emotionless version Anne.

 

Anne wouldn’t have been bothered but she wasn’t Anne she was Buffy. And she finally let herself stop hiding from herself. She was Buffy just as much as she was Anne. Suppressing hadn’t helped so now she would have to face it all head one.

 

No more running.

 

Her eyes snapped open as she felt him enter. She ignored the blur that was Conner heading for Dawn.

 

She focused intently on the man walking in behind everyone. She drank in his features. It had been so long since she’d seen him and the dreams did not count.

 

His eyes were older but lighter. Less guilt shown in them and they held shadows that hadn’t been there before. And she knew she wasn’t the only one who had changed.

 

He walked straight to her and stopped right in front of her.

 

“Buffy” he said softly.

 

The years seemed to melt between them.

 

“Angel” She said back just as softly.

 

She didn’t know who moved but suddenly they were in each others arms kissing. And for a moment she let herself soften. It had been so long since she’d let herself feel this way.

 

And she was happy for those few moments. She forgot about the world outside them. The ones watching with open mouths.

 

The world where her sister was hurt and where she didn’t want to have to go and explain to Edward what was going on. So she let herself forget for a moment and lost herself in the perfect moment. 

 

She had forgotten how right this had always felt. Reluctantly she broke away from him. She looked deep into his eyes and hauled off and punched him.

 

_Just one touch and I'd be in_

_Too deep now to ever swim against the current_

_So let me slip away_

 

song is vindicated by dashboard confessional


End file.
